Am I prolonging the inevitable?

[Normalguy22]

Long story short, I’ve been dating a lady for the last two months we’ve been intimate on two occasions we get on very well. I find her attractive, chatty and fun to be with. We have a great time together, mostly lunches, dinner walks etc. .I can see a she likes me a lot.

The problem is even though I find it attractive. I don’t feel very passionate towards her, i.e. I don’t fancy her? I’m not feeling “the spark”?

Am I to fooling myself and her by prolonging this relationship and hoping my feels will change?

Deep down, you know the answer. And, if you are good bloke, explain (in the nicest way you can, so as not to hurt feelings given the history so far) You maybe would like her as a friend, this might be possible, she might feel the same. Of course, you have slept with her twice, so there may be some mismatch of expectations on her side, and don't be surprised if she gets cross and bins you off. You will get some slamming on mumsnet for not fancying someone you have slept with but there are plenty of worse crimes. But, yeah, if she is keen on you, and you are less keen on her, then it is only fair for you to put this inequality right, somehow....

What are her feelings towards you? Maybe you could ask her. She might be on the same page. If you enjoy being with her, why not just continue to spend time in each other's company and take the pressure of yourself about having passionate sex. That could develop, or it might not. Have you put the cart before the horse?

So you've slept with her but there's no spark. Just move on and leave the woman alone.

It sounds like she’d make a better friend than romantic partner.

I’m sad to say I’m still here with this one.

Unfortunately I have a history of people pleasing and due to an abusive relationship in the past have difficulty expressing myself.

I get on really well with this lady and we go out regularly and enjoy each others company. I just hate it when we end up in bed and I’m trying to just go to sleep and of course she wants more and I feel bad so engage.

all the time I’m thinking “I don’t want this” but the thought of upsetting her or causing conflict is overwhelming me.

I know I need to tell her as it’s been several months now.

Please help me with the words/actions to let her down gently etc.

End it

This sounds crazy if true. Which seems unlikely.
You don't get into bed then start to think, oh hang on we seem to be in bed now, how did that happen ????

I'm really hoping this isn't real. If it is, I would not at all mention a lack of spark. That would make me feel incredibly used given how long she's been having sex with you presumably this is a mutual early/developing relationship. I would say something like I'm sorry this may feel like it's out of the blue but I don't wish to continue the relationship. It's nothing you have done, I just don't feel we are compatible in the long term. I have to go with my gut etc.

Well obviously

Why do some men on here ask ridiculous questions on a forum full of wimmin.

No OP, you should take viagra for the rest of your life and think of England.

You don't have to get into bed with her you know !
Why not say " I've enjoyed our day out today , thank you , I'm going home now "

Some very harsh responses here 🙄...

OP isn't doing anything wrong here. We've all been out with people we get along great with and tick so many boxes with but it's just lacking something.
And I bet none of us dumped on the first inkling there was no spark either.

OP just end it gently and immediately. You both deserve to be with people who fancy you. You might even remain friends who knows.

Also

Please don't have sex you don't actually want. Stop sleeping with her.

No one (I hope ) is forcing you to get undressed and climb into bed with her...so how on earth do you keep finding yourself between her sheets?

This is bizarre! Just stop 🛑

Well I don’t go to bed to have sex. We go out get in late and she lives an hour drive away so often stays over.

I get my PJ’s on and say thanks for a lovely evening goodnight. She makes a move I try and gently guide it to a cuddle and sleep she wants more.

what am I supposed to say ,” sorry I’ve got a headache”? 🤷🏻‍♂️

Stop sharing a bed with this woman! You are just being cruel...she clearly doesn't know how you feel and you being 'a people pleaser' (ffs 🤦‍♀️) is no excuse for stringing her along!!

Grow a bloody spine and end this relationship.

You are actively deceiving this woman.

@Normalguy22, you are not being fair or honest with this wonderful woman. You are lying to her by pretending to match her spark when you actually just want a platonic friendship.

Please be a stand-up guy and end this farce. Break it off. Tell her you’re not in a good place to continue the relationship.

Oh you’re worse than me @Normalguy22

How about saying how you are not sure if things are progressing in the way you feel they ought to be by now? This is true, but gentle.