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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you say something?

6 replies

Herewegoagain67 · 01/09/2024 21:31

5 year relationship. For first 2 years we were dating/getting into a relationship he was texting his ex. Still had pics of her everywhere. I felt like I was being compared and it was hideous. We broke up for 8 months when I saw texts to her that basically confirmed all my fears. She was on his brain. He was texting her saying he was crying over their time together. 3 days before my birthday. I was absolutely broken.

We split up..he came back. Told me she had met someone. Nothing had happened. He came off all social media. He's changed his number too. She's rarely if ever mentioned.

She's always kept all their kissy memory photos public on fb but recently locked a few Down. Took her 6 years!!! I don't look at her page often now but last year when we got back together I did for a while to try reassure myself it was over. I noted she was going to a beach type place 2 hours from where we live quite regularly. Hunstanton.

I was sat tonight talking to my boyfriend about my week at the beach I've just come back from with my kids. I mentioned cromer as a possible next destination. He randomly said "you should go to Hunstanton" yesterday he was talking about altona towers and how much he loved it when he was younger. I know this is a place his ex likes.

I'm 37 and he's 50. She's 41. He's fast asleep and I'm wide awake thinking do I need to ask him why out of all the beaches and places he recommended his exes new favourite place. Or do I not say a word??? Something tells me he's speaking with her or at least looking on her social media pages at her life?

OP posts:
Augustisnearlydonesogoodbyesun · 01/09/2024 21:47

Why do you not think you deserve to be someone's number 1 op? Why did you take him back? He hasn't stopped pining for the one that got away. He just got better at hiding it...

wrongthinker · 01/09/2024 21:47

What's the point of this relationship? You don't trust him, and it seems like he's not trustworthy. Just end it and find someone you don't have to obsess over every detail with. Relationships are supposed to be fun and make your life easier.

Coconutter24 · 01/09/2024 21:51

“We split up..he came back. Told me she had met someone.”

Really?!?! So he didn’t come back apologise say he only wants you, you’re the one for him etc…. He told you she had met someone so he came back to you and you took him back? He didn’t come back for you he came back cos his ex was now off limits

Herewegoagain67 · 01/09/2024 22:10

He's not mentioned her since we've been back together. He's been alot better but this comment feels off because he's never ever mentioned that place before.

Maybe your right it's just never going to work. He cheated on her and she dumped him because he kept cheating and drank too much. So it's not like he even valued her when he had her. I'm so confused but it feels like another fucked up thing where he's trying to make me do the same stuff as her.

OP posts:
shootingstar1 · 01/09/2024 22:49

Just to play devils advocate ... maybe it's just a coincidence . You were talking about visiting a beach and the place he suggested is only 2 hours away . Are there lots of beach places to visit around where you live? Would he suggest there if he knew there was a chance you would bump into her ?

He was shitty at the beginning of the relationship but I would hope that 5 years later his feeling for her have lessened now. If there is nothing else to suggest he is still looking at her then I'd maybe let this one slide ? Or maybe just ask why he suggested that particular place ?

Also I sometimes check what my ex is doing on social media. It's total curiosity as I have no feelings at all for him.

FritataPatate · 02/09/2024 08:18

You say he cheated on her. How likely is it he's cheating on you too.

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