Need a rant/fresh view!
DH's attitude is really negative. We have three young children, full time jobs and generally not enough time for anything/each other. We both find it hard and quite stressful at times. I'm trying to find ways to keep my own sprints up (exercise, hobbies, etc) but he's just in a rut and I don't know how to help.
He seems to spend his weekends with us either being grumpy or effectively trying to block us out by staring at pointless stuff on his phone or putting in his earphones and listening to music or a podcast. Until recently I thought of us as a team - deal with the difficult moments together and laugh about it later - but there are comments he makes that make me feel as though I'm just another of his "problems".
He's really hands on with the kids and does his fair share of everything but it feels like he does it reluctantly. I'm constantly scanning for things that might upset him (e.g if I cook a roast dinner, will he be annoyed at having to supervise the kids while I cook?!) and feeling guilty about going anywhere by myself/ to see friends or family.
All of this has an impact in the bedroom department too - because of a lack of emotional intimacy. This is much to his frustration, which again makes me feel like I'm falling short of expectations.
I've tried talking to him about all of this but he gets really dismissive and defensive, and takes it all as a personal attack. He's obviously depressed but won't seek help - he believes that it's all things in his life that make him feel this way and that it's justified, and that talking theories are pointless.
Really don't know what to do. I want to work at all of this, and I don't think there will be some magical time in the future where family life gets less overwhelming. I'm well aware that I'm also not a ray of sunshine and making things worse! But keeping quiet and just carrying on is becoming a more difficult option by the day.
Any similar experiences?