Absolutely heartbroken after fiance left

[Oceansmum21]

Long story short, My now ex of 10 years left me because he doesn't want another baby (I'm 8 weeks pregnant and we already have a dd aged 3) I refused to terminate the pregnancy so he left me two weeks ago. I found out yesterday that he had been talking to a woman he met on a dating site and he slept with her 2 nights ago, and proceeded to tell me that he done things that we used to do in the bedroom.
He wants nothing to do with this baby and only our dd, I know he's an absolute scumbag however I am absolutely heartbroken, like I cry all the time I'm absolutely devastated and I don't know what to do to get over this pain. I've never ever felt pain like this before, I feel lost and so depressed.

That is just awful for you.

The added cruelty of taunting you with this woman is just unbelievable.

You will be grieving for the future you wanted with a loving partner and your two children, as well as from the pain of finding out who this man actually is: a piece of low life.

It doesn't seem like it now but you really are better off as a single parent than with him.

Do you have any family or friends to support you through this?

Oh my goodness, how awful of him.
If he really didn't want any more children then he should have taken control of that. It's not your fault you are expecting again, it's his.

And to flaunt this other woman to you - well what a piece of S&&t.

You will be far better off without a person like that.

Sending you hugs and 💐

Of course you’re feeling lost and depressed, he’s pulled the rug from under you.
Telling you about the OW is disgusting.

Prioritise yourself, your health, your well-being. Talk to your GP or midwife, it’s sad but they’ll have come across this before and can support you.
Talk to friends, your mum, whoever is close to you. Let them help you all they can.

I've been talking with friends and family but it's not blocking out the pain I'm in, I just don't know what to do. I'm scared for my mental health, I wish I could block him out of my life but unfortunately I cannot due to him being in contact with our dd x

Tbh not sure how he expects to ignore his own child when it arrives and only see one, there is no way I would allow that. It is either both or none. Can you imagine the trauma or potential divide it would bring to the children in the future. No bugger will do that to my children.

You're best without him. Don't take him back if he comes begging. You've got this. I promise you're stronger than you think. Feel every emotion and cry it out. When you're ready, dust yourself off and find your fight for both of your babies xx

Disgusting man and total waste of space

He will change his tune regard the child when the baby arrives.

I definitely won't allow him to ignore one and not the other. Its horrible aswell because our dd behaviour is changing and she's having alot of tantrums since the break up.
I know il be ok one day, I just wish i could take a magic pill to block it all out of my mind x.

So very sorry that this vile man has treated you so cruelly OP. If you are worried for your mental health please see your GP and explain what's happened. Is your Mum or any close family supportive? You really need lots of back up at this time, especially when your horrible ex turns up to see your dd. It would be helpful if someone other than you could do hand over so you don't have to see him.

I am so sorry that this has happened to you and that he turned out to be such a low life. Your heart is broken but it will get better. It will, for sure, even if it doesn't feel like it.
Chin up Oceansmum, you really are better off without him in the end.

Thank you all, x

I'm so sorry he turned out to be such a shit.
Definitely don't wait for him to pay for his children, make sure you claim for maintenance. Ditto any benefits you may be entitled to as a single mum.
You'll be ok.

Gosh, you have been treated appallingly and must be absolutely devastated. What a horrendous situation for you to be in.

I think this would impact anybody's mental health, its all so raw and fresh that no doubt you are going to feel awful for a while longer yet until the shock goes and it all sinks in. Talking and sharing with friends and family is great, but no doubt won't get rid of the raw pain in the short term, but I promise it will in time get easier.

In the meantime if you are worried about your mental health, can you go and see a GP and explain the situation? Do you have an employee assistance programme and work with access to mental health help?

xoxo

My friend was in this exact situation (although she didn't hear about his dating at the exact same time so that's a double whammy for you!)

I was also left when pregnant.

Get yourself signed off work for a couple of weeks if you can - this is intense stress and trauma. Go to gp. Get counselling too - they will prioritize you a a pregnant woman.

Do not talk to him at all about anything other than him visiting your three year old. You don't need to invite him to scans etc.

At some point (after baby is born) you will need to have a conversation about his access to the children - it will be very harmful to see one and not the other. My friends ex is doing this and asking to take the older kids away on holidays and not the toddler etc as he has not got to know the little one. She's old enough now to understand so my friend has said no holidays at all and invited him to start building a relationship with the toddler and he's still not bothering. It's so tough!

But don't worry about all that yet. Just focus on yourself and resting and healing and let yourself cry and cry about this massive shock.

Do not discuss his dating life with you at all. If he continues, create an email just for him and block him on everything else.

I'm not working at the moment due to extreme sickness and depression, I've been put on anti depressants (which won't harm the baby) I've blocked him on social media and just kept it to whattsapp so my dd can still facetime him. I can talk to my parents but they just slag him off which isn't helping, I have people to talk too I'm just embarrassed.
I live in a small town too so I'm dreading bumping in to him and this new woman.
I might look in to counselling just to be able to talk about my feelings. I'm so scared for my baby's health as the stress and pain im in has been awful x

Block him, and only unblock him when you need to talk about the children.

If he's going to send you stuff like that he's going to constantly set you back, I promise you op you'll come out a lot better than him I just going to take time. One day at a time x

Hold your head up high in your small town. People aren't stupid and will recognise your situation for what it is. He will be the one judged, not you. Yes, people will be talking about it, but no-one will blame you.

It’s the same as grieving but with the added torture he is inflicting, you’ll be ok. Take each morning, afternoon and evening. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to be hurt, it’ll get a bit better each day until it starts to hurt a little less.

Slob around, or go for a walk, keep yourself functioning but do want you want to do, if you have to use the TV for a bit to babysit your three year old, whilst you breath, that’s ok.

Eat what you can especially with your sickness. You will be ok.

Also you’re doing the right thing by blocking him, seriously, fuck him, you’ve got this!

There will be a time in the future when you’re happy and so glad not to have to live with this guy. It is your choice to keep the baby and his actions have shown he wouldn’t necessarily have stayed with you if you hadn’t done.

I know I'm better off without, I just find it hard knowing he's with her every night and probably moving on to a new relationship. Absolutely soul destroying 💔