AIBU: TW miscarriage

[wifey2023]

So I had a miscarriage at end of June/beginning of July and my husband refuses to talk about it, which is fair enough, everyone deals with things differently but when I try to talk to him regarding it or anything surrounding it he tells me to shush and keep my voice down cuz the kids might hear (they didn't know) even if no chance they could hear or even know what I'd be referring to as all I said was that it was hard with my ~friend name having her newborn which if the kids heard that they'd assume I meant to meet up for coffee or something. He complains if I'm being quiet and won't talk about my feelings but when I try to talk he shuts me down.

As you say everyone deals with such things in a different way but I think your DH is being very unreasonable in not letting you talk about your feelings.

Even if he doesn't want to open up about his feelings he should be prepared to sit down with you and listen to how you are feeling. It's really not good for your mental.health to keep this bottled up inside you.

Do you have any one else to talk to about this?

I see the NHS website has a section on counselling services for those who have experienced miscarriage. You might find help for yourself, and possibly advice on how to approach things with your DH,through one of these services.

@Whatisyourfavouriteflower no not really, my best friend has just had a baby in July so not exactly appropriate talk to her as she's in her baby bubble and anybody else that knows about it has never even once asked how I'm feeling with it - my mum and sis included so I feel like I have to bottle everything up cuz nobody cares enough if makes sense

I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I’ve experienced recurrent miscarriage over the last years with my last at the same time as you (end of June/July). Although your husband finds it difficult you should still be able to talk to him about what’s happened. It’s heartbreaking and I know you’ll be feeling so many different things right now.

If it’s useful for you, I found the miscarriage association really helpful. My local EPU gave me the number of the group nearest to me. I recently went to go a group meeting and, although it was hard at the start, I felt so much better afterwards and it’s attended by women who have experienced the same thing as you. Partners can also attend if they want.

I've never suffered a miscarriage OP but many years ago my first baby died 3 weeks after birth. So I understand how difficult it will be for you seeing your friend with her little one.
I think it's a real shame your family aren't being more understanding that you need their emotional support.
You must feel very isolated ATM .

@Eastcoaster suggestion and advice seems really helpful.

@Eastcoaster yes they gave me the information but I hadn't looked at it, will definitely look into it today. Thank you for your kind words. @Whatisyourfavouriteflower thank you also; yes my sister finds the topic triggering due to a past experience and my mum just doesn't get it at all or doesn't care. She wouldn't even babysit for me to attend a hospital appointment so my husband could go with me. I think this also has an impact on him discussing his feelings as he never got to attend any of the appointments we had at the EPU during the 2 weeks of limbo of "is it ectopic or just non-viable"