Avoiding sex due to body shame

[Normandie]

As it says, I’ve realised I’m avoiding sex with DH because I feel so ashamed of being fat. I know part of the answer is to lose weight, which I’m working on, but I’m quite overweight so it’s going to take at least a few months before I’m at a more comfortable/confident weight and don’t feel embarrassed for him to see my body, and months without sex will strain things between us. It’s already been at least 6 weeks.

Has anyone been in a similar boat and found some shortcuts to feeling good, even temporarily? I could just knock back a wine because I always feel a bit 😍 after a drink but I usually only have a drink Friday/Saturday and DH doesn’t want to have sex at the weekends because having alcohol gives him ED.

I think it really comes down to how your OH views your body. Is he making negative comments or does he reiterate how sexy he still finds you?

have you always been OW and how OW are you?

What size are you & how much weight have you put on ? Has your DH said anything about it or is it just your insecurities ? It's often said on here that you could wear sexy clothing that covers you up a bit like basques or a chemise....although I'm sure your DH doesn't care & would be happy with you naked.

He is very positive about my body. I know he’d like me to lose weight for my own health and well-being but he’s never actually mentioned weight loss in connection with my attractiveness and tells me I’m sexy and beautiful.

I’m a size 16-18 and I’ve been within a few kilos of this weight for around 7 years, since I had our first DC. Before that I ranged between an 8 and a 14, mostly at the 12-14 end of things during the early years of our relationship but I kept things in check more. I was unable to walk during most of my (three) pregnancies and had poor mental health during and after them, I’ve done a lot of work on my thinking and am in more control of my anxiety and depression but I’ve had a habit of overeating whenever I feel a negative feeling for over 20 years and it’s taking time to unpick that, much harder being in the trenches with small children, but still doable.

The sexy cover-ups are a good idea @Biggaybear, I’m sure I have a negligee somewhere. You’re right @Meatwallet that my weight and having sex don’t have to be connected. It’s a lot in my head and some ripping off of the plaster needs to happen, I think.