My best friend, who I've known since we were teenagers is lovely, sweet, caring, dependable person who will go above and beyond for everyone to from nice gestures to celebrate others to even performing first aid on strangers in a crisis.
She grew up in a Catholic household and her parents divorced when she was a teenager. She is also a twin sister and they are close, though have different personalities. My friend and her twin moved quite far away for uni to pursue their own lives. In the last few years, her relationship with her Mum has been very hard to witness, because of how her Mum treats her and how differently her twin sister is treated.
My friend is always there for other people, including her Mum. When her Mum would come to visit, she would get her favourite things in and make sure she's wearing something her Mum bought her. I used to live with my friend and her Mum would do things like insist my friend needed something that she definitely didn't and my friend would end up with an applicance/utensil/piece of decor she didn't really need or want. But nothing seems good enough. If there's an occasion where my friend can't pick up the phone or can't meet up on a suggested date due to other plans, her Mum is very passive aggressive and says 'oh well that's the way it is, you're too busy now, you're leading your own life'.
The most recent examples. My friend travelled to her Mum's six hours away to clear out some old belongings as her Mum was moving house. All fine. Yet my friend's twin wasn't asked or expected to come back despite the fact she has more stuff and a bigger house to take things too. If her twin has a problem or crisis, the family will drop everything to help but my friend doesn't feel like she can rely on her family in the same way and at the same time is expected to do and help more than her twin.
Last week, my friend came to visit me and we went to local festival. Her Mum wanted my friend to go see her, which was a THREE detour away on the way back from mine in the opposite direction. Her Mum got covid and thankfully wasn't poorly but still expected my friend to go see her. My friend works in a hospital and couldn't risk bringing covid in. So she spoke to her Mum and said that she would give it a miss this time but she was due to see her Mum in a few weeks anyway. Her Mum seemed okay with it and then the next day sent my friend loads of quote images about 'life is finding out about who really cares for you, people show their true colours etc' and telling my friend she's disappointed in her. My friend rang me in tears and her Mum is refusing to pick up the phone to her? Her twin thinks she should apologise just to get it over with but my friend hasn't done anything wrong and was very fair and apologetic to her Mum when she said she couldn't come.
My friend came out as gay in her early twenties, quite a surprise to most people as she'd had long term relationships before. Her Mum's reaction was initially to tell her she'd be choosing a very lonely path in life and then basically ignoring it and saying my friend's life will improve 'when she meets a nice man'. My friend has since met her girlfriend and they've been together for a few years and I've never seen her so happy and content. Her girlfriend is lovely and tries to make an effort too but from what I can gather, gets quite a stony reception. Her Mum is one of those people who is very involved in the community and very warm and open with others but behind closed doors can be quite different.
My friend has recently been having therapy, one to discuss something traumatic that happened to her when she was younger but then also looking at her Mum. She's realised how much of a people pleaser she's been and how the boundaries with her Mum just weren't there. I'm proud of her for doing this but it's sad seeing her realise that relationship with her Mum isn't normal or something she'd have to tolerate.
Not asking for answers as such but just sharing this as it's heartbreaking to see.