How can we continue living together whilst divorce is going through without going mad?

[Hesitationisfortheweak]

So we are at the very start of out divorce proceedings. Divorce will take a minimum of 6 to 9 months then we have to sell the house so I'm thinking realistically 12-18 months before everything is done.
Neither of us can afford to live anywhere else and I just don't know what to do.
I've wanted to separate for a long time and mentally I can't take any more- I want this to be over today. Even the thought of living together for one more week is unbearable. For him aswell probably.
If we didn't have kids I would just go but we have 2 kids that need stability and to stay in this house until sold.
We own our house outright, once it sells we can both buy a smaller property outright . Rents in our area are extremely high and there are hardly any rental properties so neither of us can leave and rent temporarily.
He has nowhere to go either. We both have elderly parents (no other family) and neither of us could go and live with them.
So we are stuck in the same house in an unbearable situation.
I don't know if my mental health can survive it and that worries me greatly.
We are already in separate rooms etc but the issues that we are separating over will still continue whilst living under the same roof. We desperately need space from each other. Don't know what to do

Why do you need to wait until the divorce is done before you sell the house, can't it go on the market now?

Solicitor has advised not to do this until financial agreement has been made and agreed by the court which is about 6 months away

I would say get your financial consent order sorted asap and put the property on the market now. I am a year on from deciding to divorce and I still haven't sold our joint property. We both need the proceeds to start anew independently. I did live with ex for a few months but now he mostly stays with a friend. We drove each other mad. I don't really like him and I don't like the person he turns me into. I should have put tge property on sale as soon as I could but waited for the FCO to come through which took ages...big mistake. We are in limbo. So get everything done as early as possible, don't wait around.

It can take ages to actually sell a house so if you put it on the market now it would probably take 6 months to get to exchange. I bought a house once, the couple were divorcing and had to wait to exchange because of the divorce proceedings. It was only a fortnight

Some couples do a thing where they rent a small cheaper flat and take turns staying in it while the other stays in the family home with the kids. Could you afford that? If you own the house outright there should be budget for rent?

No budget for rent, we are stretched financially at the moment as husband off sick.
We will not be splitting the house 50/50 so this needs to be agreed on the financial order I have been told and can't do that until after the 20 week cooling off period?

Setting clear boundaries. Kitchen use times, making sure you don't do any household stuff for him, washing , cooking etc. If he wont do half the cleaning then maybe get a cleaner until the house is sold. Stay out of his way as much as possible - treat him like a house share mate you want to avoid. Agree on split time with the Dc.

One thing we did, other than obviously separate bedrooms, was to split the weekends. So we had the DC one day each. This worked quite well and the other person would either go out for the day (can I introduce you to the joys of solo daytime cinema?) or keep out of the way generally. I set up my bedroom with telly and other bits so I could effectively hang out there nicely

Could you rent a room in a shared house and move in and out on an agreed basis? Or buy a caravan and park in the drive assuming you have one (poss angainst rules to live in it but could work for a while). And move in and out. Even if you stuck the cost on a credit card till the house is sold.

what is the issue you are separating over - maybe we can suggest ways to mitigate that now you’re separated?

My other suggestion would be to agree childcare split and then either take the dc or alone visit friends/family lots, rent a caravan in a cheaper area for a mini “holiday”, get gym membership so you can be out when he has dc, think about how you’d like you post-split life to look and try and introduce aspects of that now (especially ones that take you out of the house!).

Could you see a solicitor about the possibility of putting the house on the market now, purchasing 2 equal value properties in your own names which would then be part of the divorce but shouldnt change too much about the financials. If he’s keen to physically separate too that might work? I believe you can do a separation agreement prior to divorce that could agree terms (extra solicitor ££ but forms the basis for the divorce so saves on that). ETA sorry I hadn’t read all your posts when I wrote that so ignore this paragraph as that’s not doable.

There's a lot to it that I don't want to go into on here but our kids are older and don't need parenting as such. More like lifts and money lol. So don't need to worry about childcare aspect but I do everything for them and he does 0.
I'm disabled and he does the DIY and gardening for the house. I would not be able to manage this house by myself.
The bills are high on this house so we need both of our wages to pay them until it's sold.
Our difficulties about living together is the marriage has completely broken down, we have grown miles apart. One of our children has special needs and we disagree over all decisions about our child. There is also a huge amount of resentment on my part that he does nothing with the kids and never has.
Everything in the house we disagree on and can argue about something as simple as a loaf of bread. I just want to be away from it as soon as possible

I did it for over a year and it was horrific. He did zero for the kids, tried to intimidate me every day. I can still remember that feeling of pulling into the drive and his car was either there or not. He’s really damaged his relationship with his kids due to this, mine is fine with them funnily enough but I wasn’t a dick!

You can't submit the financial order to court until you have applied for the conditional order. But you can (and should) get your financial order agreed between you and drawn up by a solicitor ready to submit as soon as you can.

It takes a few weeks for the financial order to be approved by court, so ideally you'll get the OK just as you can apply for the final order - keeping the whole divorce as close to 26 weeks as possible.

I'd also get house on the market now. You only need that financial order approved by the point of completion ie when the money needs to be split.

Are you both in agreement on a financial settlement and how things will work?

If so I say get the house on the market.