Broken hearted

[Jbob1976]

I broke up with my long term
partner of 16 years on returning from family holiday to Spain. We have 1 child together and 1 stepson . I have 2 older kids from first marriage . We had to sit down our 12 year old together and he cried and cried, I have never felt pain like it. I’m crying now as I text. I am heavy drinker too, that wasn’t direct cause of split. The split was no surprise as I had come so close to ending it in last months , but now it’s happened I’m in bits, she was the love of my life. I know I need to keep busy etc, and in time pain will heal but im physically heart broken . We at times were so perfect, to tell you the whole story would take forever, I’m just reaching out , don’t know why? Just be nice to talk to people going through same thing and how they coping. I can’t go 20 mins without breaking down. I have to back to work Monday after 2 weeks off and I don’t think I’ll cope . I can’t not go in. I could type for ever but I’m crying as I type

Ah bless you. I'm sorry OP. Take this opportunity for a new start and sort out your drinking. You'll feel so much better for it and the future will feel so much brighter- remember always that alcohol is a depressant. You can do this.

Thank you, I have a brilliant son who is coming to stay for 3 days a week, he won’t allow me to drink . I can’t stop crying, it’s coming in waves.

How do you know the OP was drinking from morning til midnight on holiday?

Sorry to hear this OP. I know the devestation of a broken, long term marriage (26 years in my case). The pain will ease but it will take a long time. Concentrate on the obvious love you have for your son and use this time to address your drinking. I'm sure it didn't help things, it never does.

Sorry, OP, you need to seriously address your drinking. It's not good that your child won't allow you to drink.

You mustn’t put your sobriety on your child’s shoulders. It’s not fair on them. Go to AA for support and there are support groups for children with alcoholic parents for your child.

I'm going through a breakup after 9 years together and we have a one year old son, just moved out to my new house this week and it doesn't feel like home I'm crying all day everyday and regretting everything. I really do feel your pain. I have no advice because I'm in the thick of it myself, but I hope things get easier for you.

Hi @Cobess i feel for you, how long ago did you split? I totally understand the feeling of not feeling like home, my flat seems like a hotel to me. I just hate it here. That gut wrenching pain is like no other pain I can describe , I just want it to go away. I can’t sleep eat or concentrate on anything . I know time is only healer for us both but right now I hate waking up, take care and keep posting and support each other

Can you take extra leave from work? If you can't focus, how can you work?

Then make an appointment with my gp and ask for help. For the alcohol and the breakup.

What helped me after 11 year split is that I saw my family and friends regularly. I'm a big beliver in fake it, till you make it. When it comes to emotions. I gave myself permission on where and when I could cry. I also carried a bottle of water everywhere I went, in case I got 😢 drinking water stopped it for me.

Now is the time to heal. You may or Bay not get back together, but that should not be your focus. Why do you think you drink so much? What was your childhood like? What are you trying to numb?

Sometimes these painful things happen in life to shake you up and force a much needed change. It can be a punishment or a lesson depending on how you react to it.

I would highly recommend seeking therapy and starting AA so you can really address the root issue of your addiction.

Remember, this too shall pass! All the best.

If you can't stop crying, please see your GP and consider anti-depressants. I have been in your emotional state many times in my life due to divorce, best friend dying of cancer and latterly being a carer for my late dad who was suffering with two horrible diseases for many years. I've been on many different anti-depressants but Sertraline has been my lifeline. I simply can't cry. It's such a relief to be able to cope without breaking down constantly.
I'm sorry you are in this situation; it's a cliché but I have found personally that time is a great healer.

We split in May but I still lived with him until I found my house and got my move in date as there was no room for me and the baby at families house. So now I've moved out it's hit me so much harder and I feel horrendous. Just trying my best to focus on my son and keeping occupied but I'm crying constantly, I don't know how to take my mind off the situation when it's all I can think about. We have said we'll never say never to getting back together so I do hope our paths bring us back to eachother. Take care and I hope things get better for you. We'll get through this even though it feels impossible atm im trying my best to see light at the end of the tunnel because my son needs his mama to be in a good frame of mind

Hi @Cobess My friends and family have been unreal kind to me. My eldest son is staying this week to me keep me company too bless him. I can’t offer advice but talking talking helps. I’m trying not be alone for now. It’s definitely over for me and my partner, she said she still loves me but not in love with me. It was a slow gradual breakdown. We only got back from holiday Thursday night and broke up when we got home. I’ve stopped drinking to help my moods. Keep posting on here, it helps to get out your feelings , pls take care of yourself and focus on you and ur baby

morning All, well I didn’t drink last night and not intending to for a very long time. I’m seeking help too. I’ve always drank and used it as my crutch from an early age. Had communication with my ex over our child and it killed me, crying at work. I’m on strong anti depressants already . The tears comes in waves and then they go. I know I have months of this ahead and there’s no quick fix. This is my second major break now and I don’t think my heart can take another

You're making the right steps by seeking help and not drinking. Well done! My ex just dropped my son off at my house for the first time since moving in and it killed me too, I've cried so many times already today. I don't have any words of wisdom as I'm feeling the same way but just want you to know you're not alone!

I am lucky to have a good support net work around me, amazing kids and friends. I spoke to my ex for first time today since split . It was bout our child , he’s 12 so he can pick n choose where who stays with. I literally live 200 yards from her so my son can walk over. Went back to work today and had 2 big cries , I’m glad I went back as it’s filled my time , my work are great and understand. I really do feel for you, we will get better but it’s no quick fix , may be months or more but every day we get thru the next will be better. I’m never a positive person really but the way people have rallied round me shows I’m loved. You aren’t alone too, post post post. I find it helps no end

Having a really bad morning , work up thinking of my ex and can’t stop, looked really holiday pics and can’t stop crying thinking of her and what I will miss. I just feel I’ll always be sad now. I know I have wounderful kids and friends but 16 years , I know this year been truly awful but I still can’t imagine life without her. I’ll never love anyone again that much and make me so happy as she could.

Sorry it's so tough. Stick at it. It will get better!

Above all, don't be tempted by the booze. When you hear yourself saying "oh what the hell, I need some beers....' - just close the fridge door.

Hi @MauveOrPossiblyTaupe no more beer for at least 2 months or more until I am over this , they just depress me and catastrophically affect my thinking . I’m better off without them. My focus now is me and my kids .

Day 6 since split and had major cry this morning , had my youngest son stay last night and his first day back at school today, he looked so smart. The crying is getting less but I’m still in a daze and trying to focus on my relationship broke down to stop me getting upset and not all the good times that do. Dreading Xmas and new year, just want 2024 out the way now as this year has been miserable from the start bar a few nice days.