Viagra in partner's wallet

[staypositivex]

Hi, not sure why I'm writing this I guess I just need to vent really.

Been with P (not DP, nothing dear in this situation) for 12 years. We've got 3 young children but never married. So many issues over the years, mainly due to infidelity on his part in the early years which I unfortunately didn't find out till I was days away from having my first baby. I stupidly let him back in after a traumatic birth and been stuck since.

Long story short, for a while we were basically just room mates until earlier this year we've tried to give things another go, although recently I've been more and more suspicious of his behaviour. I was just looking for one of our bank cards and had a look in his wallet and folded up was a slip from the pharmacist who recommended him viagra for ed with a date stamp from shortly before we'd decided to try again. So definitely wasn't for using with me. We're in our early 30s, although without going into detail I'm certain he's got it for himself.

So I'm just sat thinking, do I confront him? Do I leave it? Do I look for more evidence?

You say long story short you’d become room mates, why? I appreciate a young family stuffs up intimacy but what’s your communication been like in general cos it sounds, just from the nature of your post, like your relationship is not strong. Also, I note you’re not married so am not sure how that affects your financial situation should you just take off with the kids, tho you may be solvent enough to do that? Personally I’d confront him & want to see his face, judge his immediate reaction. You’ll know if he’s scrabbling round trying to make up an answer. I’d try not to resort to snooping, therein madness lies, tho that may get you evidence. Leave but only if that is what you actually want to do, don’t do it as a ruse or as a way to try to call his bluff cos it might backfire on you.

Sounds awful OP, agree with PP that it's something you need to discuss with him immediately, but I sorry the excuses to come thick and fast.

Just to add, I had an ex that would regularly use viagra as ED was a side effect of his frequent cocaine use (unbeknown to me at the time). This is much more common than I realised at the time, as ED in an early 30 year old is much rarer....

Thanks for the replies. I have no idea with where to start with describing our 'relationship' but the previous betrayal and resentment from bringing up the children almost single-handedly has well and truly worn me down.

I've looked on his phone a couple of times over the years and never found anything concrete since although I fully expect he's got another phone hidden somewhere. As far as I can tell he doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs, doesn't really go out in the evenings but does usually 'work' till the kids are in bed. Tbh I have no idea what he's doing really, communication is almost non existent.

Well, if you’ve done all the child rearing single-handedly this far, least you know you can do that if you have to do it as a solo parent. People I know who’ve left an unhappy marriage/partnership say while it’s hard work ultimately it’s easier cos they’re not having to cope with the emotional strain of having to worry about the adult in the home, having to second-guess them & trying to predict their moods etc. Your kids will probably be happier too if you are more relaxed