Back story - I was a single parent for 10 years. It was rough, sharing your child and never enjoying important milestones as a family. I told my current partner before I had our baby that I didn’t want to be a single parent again and that I wanted to get married before trying for a baby. He said he would marry me but a baby could take ages so let’s try. I got pregnant straight away
fast forward a few years - in over three years of knowing him he has had times of feeling fatigued that will stop his life for months on end. It’s hard to deal with. He was ok when our baby was born but I got little support after pregnancy and c section as he was consumed by his own feelings / mental health. I held quite abit of resentment, I recall being 3 days post c section having rigors in bed and being super poorly. I shouted for help and he told me I was being dramatic. The midwife came the next day. I got admitted to hospital for antibiotics and fluids and was in for 3 days with an infection post surgery. Was lucky I didn’t get sepsis. He still to this day says the themometer in the hospital was wrong as I didn’t have a temperature / sesis signs it was just precaution.
i then had a missed miscarriage start of the year and he left me bleeding in bed drifting in and out of concioisnes I was 12 weeks so the clots were the size of my hand. It was terrifying. He left me as he said he had to work (he works for himself and has a multimillion pound company) he takes holidays and days off when he likes. I told him resentment after these things and he said he just wasn’t mentally well himself. I also got postnatal depression after our baby as I didn’t feel supported.
fast forward fo the last few months he’s had fatigue again and hasn’t worked for weeks. He’s been hard to be around and it’s always my fault. He has dizziness and states it may last months so he put our entire life on pause. He won’t talk about marriage or a sibling for our son and anytime I mention it he goes mental and says that I am awful to him. I keep persevering with the relationship in the hopes he may get better and can healthily be in a good relationship with me but does this seem like it just won’t ever happen?
I know what being a single parent entails and a part of me wonders should I just grit my teeth and pretend to be happy as is the lonliness of being a single parent worse than being in an unhappy relationship? I’m 35 and would have liked another baby and marriage but feel ive lost all hopes of that now.