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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What is this behaviour from DH?

7 replies

FourForYouGlenCoco1 · 30/08/2024 18:29

I booked a concert with some friends a few months ago, which is taking place this evening. DH booked a ticket a few weeks ago as he found out one of his friends was going too, which I was happy about. They were both attending an all day charity event together beforehand, so he was going to meet me there.

I started feeling really unwell last night and was actually sobbing in pain. DH was shocked, saying he’d never seen me like that before.

I dragged myself up this morning, did a food shop and hoped I’d feel better for tonight. DH kept saying that we just shouldn’t go tonight, he’d be relieved if we just stayed in instead etc.

I ended up doing a covid test as I still felt pretty dreadful and it was positive, so I’ve obviously made the decision not to attend the concert. I phoned DH and told him I’d tested positive. He said that was brilliant, he was glad he no longer had to go to the concert and he’d come home. He said something along the lines of doing the right thing by me to look after me etc (I.e. made himself out to be a bit of hero) and laboured the point quite heavily.

10 mins ago I received 3 phone calls (phone on silent, as I was trying to rest), so I phoned back and he just casually said “Just arrived at the concert, won’t stay long, just wanted to check it out”. I don’t mind, but why tell me he was going to come home and look after me (not that I needed it or asked for it?!) and then go to the concert anyway and not make any reference to the previous conversation?!

He does has done similar before. Is there an explanation for this type of behaviour?

OP posts:
Shallysally · 30/08/2024 18:31

Sorry you’re feeling rotten OP 💐

When he has done this kind of thing before, have you spoken with him about it?

FourForYouGlenCoco1 · 30/08/2024 18:41

Thank you; paracetamol is helping lots!

Yes, I have definitely mentioned it before and he’ll have a reason like “Oh things just changed, sorry, didn’t mean to cause any upset” and I do genuinely believe him - I don’t think any malice is intended. It’s just very odd the way he likes to build himself up, has all these wonderful intentions…and then I feel weirdly disappointed about a situation I’d had no prior expectations on before he’d made the empty promises 🤦🏽‍♀️

OP posts:
Petitchat · 30/08/2024 18:43

Should he even be going to the concert when his DW has covid?
Contagion?

Hooe you feel better soon OP

DadJoke · 30/08/2024 18:45

He probably has COVID and he’s gone to a concert, leaving you to fester? That’s really not good.

halava · 30/08/2024 18:46

It's called "FOMO". He'll be back to you (hopefully) when he has had a nose around the concert venue.

Daleksatemyshed · 30/08/2024 18:46

Not saying this a red flag but keep an eye on this Op, he wants all the praise for not going and coming home to look after you, then the FOMO kicks in and he goes anyway. If he's not going to do what he says he will then it's better to know rather than feeling let down again.

FourForYouGlenCoco1 · 30/08/2024 18:49

Yes exactly @Daleksatemyshed. A classic case of over promising and under delivering (and on something I didn’t even request!).

OP posts:
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