Husbands behaviour

[1797a]

Had a family day out ruined today and need some opinions.
the teens were arguing and OH decided he’d had enough and stormed off. I stayed with the teens. We’re on holiday btw.
I decided to take the teens sightseeing as in the past we’ve ended up waiting and waiting and wasting the day.
we’re reunited after an hour or so. OH in a mood because we didn’t look for him, he had to look for us. The three of us had no wifi which obvs make things difficult.
should u have oooked fir him??

No, the man child stormed off and he wanted you to pander and look for him. Might make him think twice in future.

No, if he storms off like a sulky child, he can come back when he's calmed down. If you look for him, you are enabling his behaviour.

YOu need to track down the threads of a poster called Jamaisadore (I think). This is almost EXACTLY what happened to her and her two sons while out with her DH and it was the wake up she needed to realise how much he had been abusing and controling them all for years. It got a LOT worse before it got better for her but she is now happily single, in a new relationship, and her chidren are thriving (I haven't seen a thread for a while, but this was a few months ago).

This behaviour is controlling and shitty. My response would be, "you chose to storm off. We waited 10 minutes to see if youd' come back, you didn't, so we got on with our day. We're not waiting around for your temper tantrums".

Absolutely not down to you to find him ffs. I know a man like this, has 3 DDs and a wife, and he loves to storm off over nothing and they ring, text, whatsapp .... I've never understood it.

The last time he did it when I was there I said to them, just leave him, he can either head to the train and go home or he knows we're going on to 'Gary's' house and can meet us there.

He left.
He's the one who has to come back.
Simple.

He doesn't get to play games, and he doesn't get to ruin everyone's day by storming off and expecting you all to wait around until he decides to come back.

He sounds exhausting

No, definitely not. One of the perils of storming off.

Sounds horrible OP. No you shouldn't have to look for someone who storms off. He made his choice to go away so why would you try to find him if he seemed not to want to be with you all?

Sometimes people get overwhelmed and need space and I might look on that with a bit of sympathy (although I'd still say it's pretty rubbish to leave you looking after the kids in this situation). HOWEVER, the fact that he excepted you to look for him suggests that he didn't leave because he wanted space at all. He did it because he wanted to force you all to stop whatever you were doing and worry about him. This is a tactic for getting attention and controlling others. It is much harder to sympathise with.

You should never pander to a Mantrum!

He stormed off because he'd had enough. Well, maybe you'd had enough too, but you didn't have the option of just storming off like a child. He's completely in the wrong and I would say as much to him.

You only look for a grown man who ran off when you all know you’re playing hide and seek. 🫣

I would firmly ignore his mood. He can get over himself. And if he doesn't I would start to consider whether this is a pattern or a one off childish flounce that was completely out of character [heat, hangover, etc and it is bloody annoying to listen to kids bicker and whinge at each other]

My father regularly did this. We spent our lives as kids trying not to set him off and looking out for things that might trigger it. It's exhausting to be around and in hindsight abusive. He doesn't particularly enjoy having a child that calls him out on his crap now but my siblings never do, too conditioned to suck it up.

Love this - ultimate come back if he has a go about "not looking for me" !

We're advised that when toddlers have a tantrum the thing to do is leave the room and in doing so we've removed their audience. They soon stop. You did the right thing in getting on with your day and not factoring him in.

Teenagers arguing! Like that never happens. Think you'll have to explain to your DH that it's just part of parenting and that parents don't get to walk away (or storm out) as they're supposed to be the adults in the room!

Good luck with this.

'Yeah, I'm not coming after you when you behave like that'

I have experience of a huffer.
From the moment I stopped pandering to it, it calmed down immensely.

In my experience men are champion, gold star huffers. They're too bloody fond of it.

😂
Pathetic.
Well done.

If your kids did this then you’d both be fuming. It’s not up to you to find him - he left you in the thick of it and stormed off. I do get that maybe he needed time out as I know how teens bickering can be however once he’d done that he should have come back and apologised to you and tried to make the best of the rest of the day! Hope you are ok op - it’s the last thing we want when we work so bloody hard to get away! Have a word with the teens also one to one about what’s expected of them too!

Thanks for the comments.
Will suggest he tells me when to start seeking next time🤣

I agree, everyone needs to read those threads! This is the first one https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3448545-Confronting-DH-about-his-sulking

No...he chose to leave. His expectation that you would all focus on and pander to him says much about the way he thinks. Me me me.

My Ddad was a storm offer, he did ruin a few family holidays until DMum started ignoring it and getting on with our day.

I actively tell my DH to go off to get his head together if he's being shitty, and absolutely take the kids off to do something on my own. You shouldn't pander to him

Or when he owes you CMS.