Possible trigger warning - SA. Name changed.
Years ago when I was in my early 20’s my DF told me that his DF (my grandfather) made him strip naked and he looked at his body. DF said this happening ‘went deep with him.’
He told me this when abuse wasn’t really talked about and having little awareness I remember just going ‘oh’ and not really understanding what he was trying to tell me (I feel very thick now). I have no idea if this happened once or multiple times, or how old he was. He was definitely aged about 6+ because his DF was away during WW2 and never came home when on leave.
Now, an aunt from other side of the family has just told me that my grandfather was ‘handsy’ and ‘interfering’ with one of his DD’s (DF had 3 DSis). I presume she got this information from my DF (now NC with) or my late DM. I feel sick as surely this latest info, presuming correct, indicates he was SA at least two of his DC? I know nothing else other than the above.
Grandfather died 40 years ago when I was 11 and I had little contact with him due to living in another country (we would visit for 6 weeks and stay in grandparents house every couple of years). He would say hello to me but other than that ignore me. No one ever speaks of him and when they go to my grandparents grave they always say they are laying flowers for ‘mum’. I do wonder if anyone else knows what my DF and aunt has said. When he was alive my DF would drink heavily when coming to visit and stay with his parents, and I think he has always had problem drinking which I wonder if in part stems from what happened to him. Before I was born both my parents visited and stayed with them and my DM told me that my DF sobbed and sobbed at being near his DF after years away from him.
The eldest DD died a while ago and she had a very fractured relationship with her parents and the rest of the family, and I do wonder if she was the DD who was possibly abused. She was labelled a trouble maker and awkward by everyone and she distanced herself.
I have no one to talk to about this, it’s not my business to ask other family who may or may not be aware (DF’s siblings are all in their 80s and 70s), but I feel sickened that my grandfather may well have been a S abuser. One of my aunts gave me grandfather’s silver pocket watch that he bought back from the war and I feel like I want to send it back to her, and I now wonder why she gave it to me and not her own DS’ and DGC of which she has 6. It’s tainted goods and I can’t bear to look at it.