Should i walk away or keep trying? Confused about my ‘relationship’ 13 years deep

[PaigeDanielle1244850]

Hi everyone,

I'm feeling really conflicted and would love some advice. I've been with my partner for 13 years, and we share a child together. Three years ago, he went to prison for a non-violent crime. Despite this, he's really turned his life around—he's stable now, has a fantastic career, and has consistently been a great father. After everything that's happened, I decided to give our relationship another chance, especially considering our history and the progress he's made. He's overcome some serious issues, including addiction, and I've forgiven him for a lot of the pain he caused in the past. I genuinely admire the changes he's made, and I do view him mostly in a positive light.

As we've started to rebuild our relationship, he's been sweet and consistent—sending texts, calling when he says he will, and spending time with me. However, I've started to feel like his enthusiasm towards me is lacking. When I brought this up, he admitted that he has reservations about us. He says that my expectations of wanting him to be "all in" are making him feel pressured, which has led to him holding back.

I can't help but feel like it should be the other way around—given his past, I should be the one with reservations. It bothers me that he doesn't seem to view this second chance as something special. I've tried to have constructive conversations with him about it, but he insists that he won't jeopardize his stability and wants to take things very slowly. His reservations and lack of enthusiasm are starting to make me question my own self-worth and are affecting my well-being.

I'm wondering if this is just a normal part of rebuilding a relationship after so much history, or if it's a sign that I should walk away. Are all relationships this challenging, or am I holding onto something that might not be worth the effort?

Thanks in advance for any advice.

You should walk away.

The most important reason is that he has reservations about the relationship. People who want to be together are together. It’s that simple. His background is a red flag, but not the main issue. Nobody should try to have a relationship with someone who is not sure. It’s soul destroying and you deserve more. A committed relationship is not ‘pressure’.

Thank you, honestly i totally do agree wholeheartedly. Its the confusion of him saying hes fully committed but given the history of struggle we faced he worries of ending up unhappy and wants to feel sure, he says any sane person would have these apprehensions and moving slowly is healthy.

love should be clear and not confusing i feel!

If it feels like a head fuck then it’s not love… or at least not the love you should want. He is giving mixed messages and making you feel confused, unhappy and damaging your self esteem - that’s not love.

You should walk away for both of your stakes. He would benefit from a completely fresh start with someone not familiar with his old self it'll be easier for him to keep to the straight and narrow and you would benefit from someone that you haven't had to forgive alot of stuff. He can still be a good dad and engaged with his child without the two of you being together

You’re a placeholder. He’s getting his life on track and your the placeholder until he finds the woman he really wants who didn’t know him from his past and only knows the knew man. I would end the relationship and work out a coparenting arrangement. Download a parenting app and only communicate through that about childcare arrangements. Make sure he pays maintenance. If you can agree this amicably and he pays consistently, great. If not, go through CMS. You have to grey rock him because you need a clean break. End it now before your self confidence takes a further nosedive and you end up resenting each other. Your focus should be on amicability and effective coparenting for your child’s sake. It’s a shame this has happened but know that you deserve to be with someone who is all in and doesn’t have you as a placeholder.

Before i agreed to giving this chance it was a promise he would be able to co-parent healthily if it doesnt work out. So at least i have that confidence as it was my dealbreaker. I always had worries i would be a stepping stone and he would possibly decide to leave but we didnt even get there again yet so its a pitty. I did also believe i deserve a future without a negative history but he did seem to make me feel very special and i felt swayed but the reality of fundamentals is not making me feel special at all when it comes down to it. Someone having reservations when they are being given a precious extra chance, is quite painful

Sounds exhausting frankly. You have a child, and parenthood is full on, always.

His reservations and lack of enthusiasm are starting to make me question my own self-worth and are affecting my well-being.

This tells you all you need to know. NEVER let a man undermine your self-belief. You are so much stronger. Be there for your child (I'm a solo mum).

He's toxic to you. And sounds self-centred and egotistical.