What do women mean when they say they need space to work on themselves?

[mradamsnaith89]

What do women mean when they say they need space to work on themselves?

I met a woman around three months ago, and at fist it was an absolute whirlwind. I have never met anyone like her in my life – she literally is the female version of me.

She told me about her medically diagnosed Autism and ADHD. Since she told me, I have made a real conscious effort to learn about both conditions.

Out of nowhere, her mood dropped massively. We sat down, and spoke in person. She mentioned that since meeting me, she had neglected herself and stopped going to the gym and putting things off. Obviously, we were both caught up in this new situation.

We then had a talk about stepping back a little, and becoming friends for now. It does hurt, because I truly believe I am falling in love with her however, I do want to request her need for space. She was nice in how she said it, and she said that she needs space to work on herself and that we can set boundaries at some point.

The reason I am confused, is because since having the serious talk, we have slept together and she has held my hand in the car etc. She will send me videos and memes about ‘partners’ etc. But then she will go back to being quiet etc over message which is not like her. On Sunday, she sent me one video about how if someone is a brunette, had ADHD and is fun etc you should marry her. It is almost like mixed signals. Does she like me?

How do I give her space? This fairly new to me in meeting someone that seems to be going through a burnout. I do not want to lose her, and I don’t know if she is actually interested in me or my anxiety is just speaking for me. I am so worried. I am 32, and she is 29.

I agree she's giving out mixed signals, you need to sit down and talk about what you both want and be prepared to walk away if it's not what you want

She's messing you around..it could be a complicated way of saying she wants to slow stuff down and wants to go at her pace but has been cack handed.

Tell her she's confusing you and to get back in touch when she's ready to start dating again and then don't let it turn into a whirlwind.

I would suggest another chat saying you are unsure what she has asked for.

You had assumed she didn’t want sex and handholding as you are ‘friends’.

Ask what she actually wanted to change. Was it bigger gaps between meetings? Was it less messaging between meetings?

She should understand your desire to understand the terms of the relationship. It isn’t a trick question or a criticism, just checking that you both understand what’s expected.

That’s always a healthy thing anyway. Many people have different assumptions about relationships- whether they are ‘in’ a relationship or exclusive or just having dates and sex.

That used to all be the assumption but it no longer is!

This is the third thread you've started about this woman correct?

I'd suggest that this sounds like a lot of hard work for not much gain. I'd cut her loose and find someone else.

She wants you in her life but doesn’t want to feel pressured to commit. If you fall head over heels too quickly she’ll feel trapped. Start looking at it more as fwb and see what happens

Bin, move on. I've been there.

The question about what men mean when they say "no drama" on dating sites often comes up... this is it. Lots of issues, changing her mind, mixed signals, stress, anxiety, possibly playing the field...

A big part of me is thinks that she wants some fun, is dumping you in the friendzone for a bit, and will be back after she's been dumped a few times by the guys she IS interested in.

But let's give her the benefit of the doubt... This is her. All these issues now are probably going to stay. The indecisiveness, the mood swings, the 'letting herself go'... Is this a long-term relationship you want? Imagine this every day. I'm sure she's lovely when things are good, but multiple 'this' by a whole relationship/marriage.

You sound like a decent guy, but remember, relationships go both ways. She's effectively pushing you away and making you chase and put in allllllll the effort for her. What is she doing to KEEP you? At best, she's pushing you away to 'save you from her'. This NEVER works in relationships, because one day you'll wake up in a divorce because they've unilaterally decided for you that you can do better.

If she wanted you, you'd be there.

You're not asking about 'women', you're asking about one particular woman. As we are not her, and you've actually been in a relationship with her, we're unlikely to have any more insight than you do.

But you should clearly move on from this messy, blurry situation. It isn't good for you, and that's all you need to know, ultimately.

"I met a woman around three months ago, and at fist it was an absolute whirlwind. I have never met anyone like her in my life – she literally is the female version of me"

Not trying to be negative, but this really sounds like something you should cut off ASAP. This woman is no good for you.

1. She has issues, of course this isn't any reason for her to not have relationships. But it sounds like she needs to do a lot of work INDEPENDENTLY and no attention seeking contact. You're not her therapist.

1. I think she just likes having you on hold as attention, she's good at being charming and manipulative.

If you meet a new woman with promise, she'll immediately fuck it up by popping up or doing something attention seeking (and then using the fact that she's "told you" she has ADHD as an excuse).

1. It might be fun and exciting and great sex and connection for a bit, longer term a disaster. If you're 32 and an ok bloke you have LOADS of options and will continue to do so. Find one of them, not her.

Unless you're determined to be a fixer/enabler/ martyr or want I would just move on.

Slowly grey rock her (don't block or do anything dramatic, just slow down your replies and don't give information or argue) and get her out of your life. I expect she's attractive, but there's loads of attractive women who won't ruin your life!

It’s been 3 months and you’re confused. That says it all tbh. She’s likely playing games. Also female version of you? It does rather sound like you’re projecting what you want this situation to be, rather than being pragmatic and seeing it how it is.

Come on now, you know they think we’re all the same person 😂

Thought that too.

OP just move on.

My guess is she has literally no idea what she wants. There is no Rosetta Stone which will decode her. You are quite anxious, you say, and a lack of clear answers will make it worse. Some people can handle flakey fwb. You do not sound like that kind of person - you need someone stable,

It means she doesn't love you, she's never going to love you, but if you'd like to hang around until someone better comes along, feel free.

Hence the mixed signals. When Someone Better arrives she'll say 'but I said I only wanted to be friends!'

It sounds like she wants a FWB situation. She can have her space when she wants it, she can have a booty call when she wants it. If this is not for you then either just be friends without the benefits or cut it off entirely.