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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Father of my children got someone pregnant

5 replies

endangeredmum · 29/08/2024 06:59

Hello,

I would like to ask the community for support as I sit here in absolute pieces after discovering that the Father of my children got someone else pregnant and had been leading a double life, lying, cheating and deceiving me for the last five years.

I have two beautiful boys and this man is their Father but he has had nothing to do with raising them whatsoever. He always believed that his job was to send money home and so for five years, all he has done is send a bit of money home monthly. Aside from that, he has never taken the boys out for a day anywhere, never taken them
swimming, never helped them ride a bike… nothing. He lied about countless incidents and gaslit me to death. When I confronted him about anything, ever.. he would become aggressive. He has no respect for women at all in any way.

He went off to work abroad and left us and had been sleeping with MULTIPLE people (men and women) for around 10 months before telling me he was having a baby with someone else.

Has anyone on here ever been through this situation? Or similar? How did you cope? I haven’t eaten for three days.. I did manage to sleep last night. I don’t understand why I am
so torn up, I am so happy to be rid of him. I think the deceit has shocked me and now I am scared to trust anything that anyone says.

I just feel sick to my stomach. And now have to have this abuser in my life for the rest of my life because we had children together.

I just need to add - he was really happy when he told me about his other child on the way. He enjoyed hurting me and loved seeing the upset it caused.

OP posts:
Wolfpa · 29/08/2024 07:03

It doesn’t sound as if you were ever in a relationship with him or that he was in your life before this happened.

focus on yourself and your boys and all the joy they bring you.

2Old2Tango · 29/08/2024 07:07

You say he doesn't ever do anything with his sons, just sends you money, so he's not in your life that much. Try to focus on being free of this abusive and aggressive man, but make sure he keeps paying the maintenance your children are entitled to.

TipsyJoker · 29/08/2024 07:07

Apart from sending money, it seems he isn’t in their lives or yours. That’s a good thing because he sounds awful. I’m glad you have found out and you can now start to move forward with your life. Have a look into the freedom programme. It will help you understand abusive men and help you put things right in your head again after him gaslighting you so badly.

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Also read this book

https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

Again, it will help you understand the mind of this abusive man and help you move forward. If I was you I would block him everywhere. He never sees the children so there’s no need to make any childcare arrangements. And if the money stops coming, contact CMS and have them take it from him. The best contact to have with abusive men is no contact at all.

The Freedom Programme. Learn about domestic violence and abuse

The Freedom Programme. For women who want to learn more about the reality of domestic violence and abuse

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Blueberry40 · 29/08/2024 07:08

Why is he even in your life at all?? I would move away where he can’t get to you and keep your boys well away from him. Cut off all contact. He sounds like he takes far more from you than he gives. You deserve more than this op! Find your courage. As he is an abuser you could contact Women’s Aid for help and advice. Please don’t tolerate this any longer.

izzygirlis4 · 29/08/2024 07:12

I'm not entirely sure why you are so upset. It doesn't sound like you've been in a relationship with him so he can have sex with whoever he likes.

He sounds vile anyway so you're best without him.

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