In love with my best friend

[Heartbrokenkid]

I have a friend that I have been spending every day with for the past year. When me and her first started spending time we agreed to be platonic. After a few months I started getting feeling for her and shared and she told me she was in a place where she wants a breather from relationships and I agreed that's where I am at. But she never confirmed if she has feelings too. The way we are when we're together is just so much fun and innocently flirtations and after some time we were talking about the possibility of being roommates. She wound up getting kicked out of her place and I went through so many loops for us to have an apartment. Now I feel stuck because on one end it feels like I am placing my heart on hold and it's affecting my emotional well being but I don't want to leave because she and her brother and daughter are relying on me. Every night I cry in my room alone over it and rely think I would make a great husband and how she is, she everything I ever imagined in a wife. I have noticed her pulling back slowly from where we began, after I told her how I felt and I felt though all wanted was more of the same. I play the role of provider and pay the rent and recently her brother got a job and is helping with utilities. She cooks and cleans and prepares my favorite meals. it's been a year now. I feel stuck and don't know what to do.

I can't read that without paragraphs, sorry.

Don't be so ridiculous !

Why respond if you arent going to say anything nice - Why bother

OP - What does your ‘friend’ pay? And her brother has only just got a job?
Are they taking you for a ride?

She has an interview this weekend, and yes her brother just got the job. We've been in the apartment for 4 months now and have been spending time together for a year

It doesn’t sound like she likes you that way, I’m sorry to say. I think she sees you as a friend but perhaps is in a bad place financially so hasn’t fully knocked things on the head as she relies on you. After a year something would have happened if she liked you in that way too.

Could you have another conversation with her?

How many bedrooms?

Do you all have your own rooms?

It's a one bedroom apartment, I bought a double bed for her and her daughter and her brother sleeps in the chair. Since I have the room, I agreed to take on the lions share but it's been drowning me financially waiting for them to get a job. I think it is time for another conversation but I just don't know how to approach it.

I typed up my feelings, but haven't sent yet

"I been thinking alot and I'm trying to figure out how much longer I can do this for. I really do love you and the fact that it doesn't feel mutual breaks me daily and the only way I can think to heal is to separate myself, not just for a day but in general, but on the other end I don't want to abandon or leave you guys because I care about not just, you but all of you.

I'm torn because I feel like I am sacrificing my own emotional well being to protect your well being in general and I can't think of a good solution. I feel like every night I cry my eyes out for hours but I don't want to show it because I don't want you to hurt over how much I'm hurting, but I'm tired of hurting so much. I don't know what to do.

I don't know how much longer I can live this because this amount of pain has been making me borderline suicidal and I can't stand it. It feels like my heart is being shredded constantly because I feel so happy when Im with you and broken when I think on the reality of the circumstances I find us in. Maybe we can make a plan of exit, where we can maintain our friendship and that you guys would still be well off and at the same time do what's best for me too. But I can't see it. I just feel stuck"

She's using you. Time to move out and stop paying her rent.

Don't be a twat about it, just scroll on.

He sleeps in the room with her? Are you 100% sure its her brother?

Im sorry she is using you
Be honest with her but i think the 3 of them moving out is the best thing to do and concentrate on you for awhile

Yeah it's her brother, I met him at there moms house

She likes that you let her live with you rent free.
Did you invite her to live with you in hopes she would fall in love with you?
I think you need to have a discussion about the living arrangements because if its making you seriously unhappy then they need to move out, they are not your responsibility.

No I didn't do anything in hopes of anything, I didn't intend to catch feelings at all

I wish I could unfeel or unlove, but now it's to late

Sorry op. I think this living arrangement has to end.

You cry your eyes out for hours every night? That sounds very extreme OP.

You’re being used OP, I’m sorry. End this situation as soon as possible. You’ve obviously got a lot of love to give and there’s a woman out there who will love you back. It’s not this one - she knows how you feel and is utilising that for her own gain. She’s not as nice as you think she is.

Oh OP. She likes you and she needs you but she doesn't fancy you.

I'm so sorry.

That's odd!

she my friend first as a foundation first. I have other lady friends that like me but I have no interest in. I genuinely believe that she is doing her best to be a good friend and I respect she is at. I have been feeling a lot times of depression since I shared and just wish I could know that I have her as a friend to help heal while I figure things out for myself

And just callously kicking out the person I love purely for who she is doesn't sound like the best advice, though multiple people are suggesting it. Texting her by the way, she's sending memes and making me laugh atm🤣 😒.

Plus we hang out every evening and weekend so I'm not complaining entirely, I just wish I could be secure in having more of the same 🙃

You have to put up boundaries. I wouldn't send the message you wrote above as it puts too much pressure on but you do need to say something.

You could tell her that it really isn't working for you because you have feelings for her and know it's not reciprocated so you both need to look at how to separate your lives.

By doing that you start the road to freeing yourself to meet someone who does love you.

Op, I spent many, many years in love with my best friend. I do not know what opportunities I missed - I never saw them as I was too busy looking at him. In the end, I wanted to die, too.

You went through hell to get an apartment for all of you. That's very noble of you. You are making this sacrifice to prove your love, to show her that you are worthy of her like some fairy tale Prince and you will get the reward of true love.

Instead, you are Cinderella, slaving away for no reward. She will not run into your arms for a happily ever after. This is normal service as far as she's concerned.

You say that they will both be in a position to pay their way soon. This will tell you what you need to know. I reckon that neither of them will start paying. That's your job.

I know about the crying and pain. It does not get better. It gets worse. I realised that I was just protecting myself from other relationships. Protecting myself from being hurt, ironically by inflicting excruciating pain on myself. It took falling in love with someone else to make me see how foolish I had been.

What are you saving yourself from?

There are no glass slippers and pumpkin coaches, just more shit.