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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Think it’s time to throw in the towel

34 replies

MrRobinsonsQuango · 28/08/2024 22:43

Been with my husband for 8 years, 2 young children. Found out he cheated on me with a long term female friend of his, he reckons it was a one off. Invited her to our wedding, she came to the wedding, got blind drunk, was a total state and then was super annoying the next day. I was pregnant at our wedding which everyone knew (including her!), then for an encore she was meant to meet our child after they were born. She dithered around for half the day, then cancelled saying she didn’t feel well

For clarity l didn’t know he had ever cheated when we got married, he confessed at a later date as he felt guilty 🙄 He’s not sure if his friends know but when it all came out one of friends revealed they had had some suspicions but no proof. I think other people know for certain. Funnily enough l don’t especially wish to socialise with these people now

I can’t forgive him for the whole chain of events. I don’t get proper explanations for this chain of events. Lots of none explanations like “l was trying to be a nice guy”. Well, not to me! You’ve been a disrespectful arsehole. My 1st husband pulled a similar stunt by within a couple of years of being married, cheated on me with a long term female friend of his, left me and is now married to her. Current husband knows all of this but claims to struggle to see the parallels

OP posts:
Nicebloomers · 29/08/2024 14:48

Wow. He’s got quite the nerve.

amispeakingintongues · 29/08/2024 15:02

MrRobinsonsQuango · 29/08/2024 07:40

That’s how l feel as well @MyToesAreHotNotInaSexyWay He goes on about it being a one off but doesn’t seem to realise it’s the whole chain of events l am unhappy about. Last night he said he was sick of talking about it. He suggested he video record his explanation about it all so l can re-watch it if l want to. This came across as condescending and dismisssive to me

Ergh what a selfish belittling twat of a man. I'm so sorry OP. You deserve better. No man is better than this man FOR SURE.

amispeakingintongues · 29/08/2024 15:05

Nicebloomers · 29/08/2024 08:57

He sounds awful and completely unrepentant. Your whole life with him has been built on his lies and you’ve been making decisions and compromises based on a reality that didn’t exist. That’s got to be really unnerving and he’s being purposefully obtuse trying to minimise his bad behaviour and also your feelings on the matter. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I have a spade btw

Yes this. He is gaslighting you totally.

Mumlaplomb · 29/08/2024 15:12

I would say get a good solicitor and Patio him - I’m sure he’s not told you the whole story and sounds like there’s more than a one off if she’s been hanging around and weird about meeting your baby etc. Let him go.

Toastcrumbsinsofa · 29/08/2024 15:21

If you brought more assets than him into the marriage, it’s better to divorce quickly. He’ll have less of a claim if it’s a short marriage.

FlowerBee62 · 29/08/2024 22:49

He's deflecting and gaslighting you,it's a wonder he's not blaming you for it all as well,what bleeping piece of shit.Every memory of moments that should have been good all destroyed by him.There would be no choice but to divorce him if i were you.I could not trust him ever again.

ninistockley · 29/08/2024 22:58

MrRobinsonsQuango · 28/08/2024 22:43

Been with my husband for 8 years, 2 young children. Found out he cheated on me with a long term female friend of his, he reckons it was a one off. Invited her to our wedding, she came to the wedding, got blind drunk, was a total state and then was super annoying the next day. I was pregnant at our wedding which everyone knew (including her!), then for an encore she was meant to meet our child after they were born. She dithered around for half the day, then cancelled saying she didn’t feel well

For clarity l didn’t know he had ever cheated when we got married, he confessed at a later date as he felt guilty 🙄 He’s not sure if his friends know but when it all came out one of friends revealed they had had some suspicions but no proof. I think other people know for certain. Funnily enough l don’t especially wish to socialise with these people now

I can’t forgive him for the whole chain of events. I don’t get proper explanations for this chain of events. Lots of none explanations like “l was trying to be a nice guy”. Well, not to me! You’ve been a disrespectful arsehole. My 1st husband pulled a similar stunt by within a couple of years of being married, cheated on me with a long term female friend of his, left me and is now married to her. Current husband knows all of this but claims to struggle to see the parallels

Hope you're OK.

If hubby fails to actually succeed at proper communication within a relationship and automatically falls back to being defensive, then that's troubling. Realise your feelings about the relationship and see if it's beneficial for your wellbeing.

Thevelvelletes · 30/08/2024 01:43

CeruleanBelt · 29/08/2024 08:46

He cheated on you with this woman, invited her to your wedding and arranged for her to meet your new born baby ... Knowing he's shagged her behind your back all that time ...And THIS is his response?

He doesn't care about your feelings at all. I could never forgive this.

Show quote history

All of the above,how and fuck could someone do that to the person you're meant to love and the introduction of the tart to meet your wife and newborn..that's a new low even for all the fucked up threads on MN.

BettyBardMacDonald · 30/08/2024 02:47

This will never be a healthy relationship.

Call a solicitor about financial damage limitation ASAP and start making your plans.

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