DP and I have been together two years, both divorced, both with our respective DC, his older than mine as he is 60 and I am 45.
Our problem is that while he likes to talk and WhatsApp all the time (he told me he wants to speak 2x per day plus WhatsApp, send pics as much as possible, say good morning and goodnight,) I feel that he doesn’t see me as much as he should. And we keep ending up at stand offs where I slow down/stop communication because he is too busy to see me, and he gets upset.
it is really messing with my head.
DP spent the whole summer with his DC, their respective gfs/bfs, his mother and siblings in the US. He was away for a month. Before this, DP had been travelling for work for two weeks. When he was due to come back from the US with his family I booked a small break for us both which he had also agreed to (two nights) in the countryside, in the middle of nowhere. He would then go on to his DC 25th birthday. He was due to fly back from the US and get a plane straight to the countryside then on to DC birthday in Corsica. Two nights before he came back I got a series of WhatsApp’s in the middle of the night (US timezone) telling me he had really fucked up and that he had actually booked the Corsica flights OVER our trip and that DC’s birthday celebration started during our trip and that he would not be able to make the trip.
for me the trip was non refundable (and quite expensive) and I started to feel really upset that I had not only not seen him for a month and a half but I had organised and booked this trip and he just wasn’t coming. I asked for some space because I didn’t understand why he couldn’t adjust his flights to Corsica by one day (all his DC were going, his ExW, their friends etc and it was a week holiday, it wasn’t just him and his one DC.) I wanted to separate myself from the situation to work out whether I was reasonable or not, but he bombarded me with calls and WhatsApp’s saying how much i was upsetting him, how he didn’t feel emotionally resilient enough not to be in touch with me as much as he was, that he had made a “small mistake” and I had blown it out of all proportion.
What ended up happening was that he drove all the way to the hotel I had booked (an 8 hour round trip) stayed four hours with me, we had sex, ate dinner and he left at 2am to go straight to the airport to fly to Corsica and I spent the next day and night alone then came home.
when we were in the hotel we were making all sorts of plans. Thinking through dates, places, times, all the way up to Christmas, so that this wouldn’t happen again. He is now in Corsica and in touch ALL the time and supposed to come back tomorrow. We had agreed that we would see each other tomorrow evening , but now I am addressing the plans we agreed again, he is trying to shift them around (“can we make it Saturday instead of Thursday?”) He told me we would see each other on The 5th,6th,7th sept and now, it’s 1st, 2nd 3rd.”) I have a job, small DC of my own, I need to be able to plan ahead and he knows this, I have told him a million times.
if I point out the discrepancy he gets really upset and it makes me feel like a whining nag who is quibbling over dates and times and he said, she said. If I try and take some time to think through whether or not I am being reasonable in my feelings given we both have busy lives and maybe i am expecting too much , he hates that too. He hates me not being in touch, not wanting to call and chat through our day. So I find myself in this loop where he is wanting to speak all the time but I feel like the sand is always shifting and that I am not happy.
when I bring this up with him he just says I don’t understand how many directions he is pulled in. He has a busy job (I know this) but so do I. His DC are grown up , although he loves spending time with them. Mine are still small and require a lot of hand holding, his mother is very ill and dying etc.
last night I had to drive 2 hours at midnight returning from another celebration of one of my friends. DP became obsessed with me getting home safely. Wanted to talk for the whole two hours while I was driving so I didn’T fall asleep. Wanted confirmation I was back safe in my house .
all this yet he is so hard to pin down.he thinks I should be happy that he is so crazy about me that he cares this much. Do you think I am being unreasonable?