My eldest DD is 21 and still lives at home. She works and drives. I’ve been a single mum for almost all her life and she has had behavioural, social and developmental struggles, which I felt like I got no help with to be honest despite asking my health visitor when she was tiny, GP’s, school and we just got pushed around children’s mental health teams with no consistent help. She was in and out of trouble at school and went into children’s therapy for a bit and I’ve had therapy and I very much want a good relationship with her but it’s so hard. She has no diagnosis and the focus has always been on my parenting, which she very much enjoys and to this day still blames me and says I’ve broken her trust by talking to other people about her when I have been struggling to cope.
She has a dad but their relationship is not great and he was also happy to join in about my parenting, and part of my DD’s patterns are sabotaging her relationships and pushing you away but also being insecure and needing you. Her siblings are fed up of her. She has a new boyfriend who she appears to be obsessed with at the moment, ditched the few friends she had yet again (I don’t think they will keep forgiving her and she will find out the hard way). Shes never got any money but constantly spending online and then pleading poverty and the whole thing is just chaos. Shes never home but when she is she makes a huge mess and gets mean when you ask her to clear it up.
I’ve said she needs to think about moving out if she’s unhappy here but all she did was block me from her phone and go out to her boyfriends. He goes back to uni soon and I know her well enough that this is causing her stress so she is lashing out at me. I am dreading her coming back once he has left and being miserable here without him. She’s started turning up for work late and falling out with her bosses, she has NO money as I suspect she’s in debt too, I can’t exactly chuck her out although I know that’s what everyone is going to say…
I do not want to diagnose anyone but over the years I feel like it’s a mix of EUPD and ADHD and if she isn’t interested in engaging then things will never change. All I can do is manage my own reactions? How?