To feel disappointed

[Howdon]

Hey everyone,

Just thought I'd post on here as it's my birthday soon. I don't have any plans as of yet (never really celebrated my birthday)

This year I was hoping that maybe my boyfriend would maybe plan a date night, maybe pub lunch or something, but he doesn't seem bothered. (This my first birthday with him)

I asked him today if he would like to do anything with me for my birthday, and he said he wouldn't mind. I then asked if I should book somewhere and he said that would be fine.

I guess I just want to know if this is normal behaviour for a boyfriend? I mean, I had one other boyfriend and he never made of fuss of me or anything so I guess I have nothing to compare it against.

I hear stpries of colleagues getting nice flowers and having nice days planned. But is this the case for everyone?

Btw I'm not expecting a lot but just some kind of effort may have been nice.

Thanks everyone (please be kind)

I'm coming up to 19 years married and we always celebrate each others birthday - very often it's something that benefits the other too like a special dinner out or a weekend away. On the day itself, if a weekday, we would get a nice takeaway and a nice bottle of wine.

I would absolutely expect some sort of effort from a new boyfriend. If he's not bothered about spoiling you a little in the early stages then he is likely to be even more complacent in future years

Absutely thus! You dropped this comment in as though it is entirely normal. It isn't! Don't sleepwalk into a life with an angry man with whom you are afraid to talk about certain things for fear of annoying him.

Take a step back, forget about the birthday and really evaluate if this is a healthy relationship for you.

If he’s got anger issues I’d rather he didn’t bother with my birthday or with me

Dump him. Things won't get any better.

I think it sets the tone for your relationship to be honest.

The first birthday together when I was with my most recent ex was his. We hadn’t been together very long but I did a day of things he had mentioned he wanted to do but never had time. In his words, he had the best day of his life.

For my birthday he did…nothing. And then broke up with me a few weeks later because me being upset about it made him feel bad and he’s a nice guy so I shouldn’t be making him feel bad about being lazy and forgetful.

We were still broken up by the time his next birthday rolled round but was upset I didn’t acknowledge it. We got back together (I know, I know) and for my next birthday I got - a text! Two days early and then an oh well, at least I remembered. I gave myself the gift of dumping him.

If celebrating your birthday is important to you, find someone who will celebrate with you. Dragging someone who doesn’t care along will just create resentment on both sides and have you dreading it.

He's showing some very clear red flags
Anger issues
Isn't bothered about doing anything for you

Don't move in, really step back while you can

Some men are just useless at things like this.

Tell him

Its my birthday and i expect you to plan something nice.

Be direct. Dont hint

It’s not him who’s suffering with his anger issues, it’s you. He just lets rip and you have to modify your behaviour otherwise it’s more suffering for you. And he doesn’t care about celebrating your birthday! Who does that?

Wait...rewind.....

do not move in with anyone with anger issues

Anger issues?

He's already shown them to you? He's priming you.

So I guess when he moves in and the anger becomes more present, he can always say you knew he was an angry man and you still let him move in........

Sounds scary. Please don't let him move in.

I agree with others. Whilst I do think birthdays can be of more or less significance to different people (I'm not bothered much myself), it's more about the opportunity to demonstrate love and care for someone else, particularly at this point of the relationship which should be 'best behaviour' territory. Either he isn't naturally doing that, hence your disappointment, and/or you aren't able to communicate about it with him for whatever reason, and neither are ideal. Imagine things in twenty years' time... can you?

when me and my wife first got together we would always go out for a meal plus presents on each others birthdays and spoil each other. As I’ve got older I actually prefer a nice takeaway on my birthday but my wife still likes to go out.
I would say it depends on what he is used to and can depend on his upbringing aswell, if he’s never done stuff like that on birthdays then he doesn’t know any better but the longer you are together he might start to learn what you like and how you would like to spend your birthday, also if you haven’t been together long that might also play a part into it aswell.

Oh dear, now that I've read your previous post about the ludicrously expensive holiday in Egypt, designer clothes and fragrances etc that you bought your boyfriend of eight months for his birthday (which everyone here told you was way OTT), I'm afraid you have absolutely set yourself up for this disappointment.

He was a cocklodger then (did he ever pay you back for all the expenses you covered for him?) and it sounds like he's continuing to enjoy the free ride while also taking out his anger issues on you.

Stop pouring your energy and money into this man and put it into therapy instead to understand why you throw love and money after those who can't return the effort you're putting in.