Partner and I both 30 years old, known eachother since our teens but haven't been actively involved in each others lives all that time and have only been together since the beginning of the year. I have recently found out I'm + 12 weeks pregnant which is obviously adding to my stress as I'm hormonal and don't know what to do.
Will try not to drip feed so sorry if this is long but I recently found out that a few years ago my partner went through a period where he was "confused" after splitting up with his ex. And spent time on several gay dating apps.
I don't have a problem with people experimenting as such and can understand how in a dark period after the breakdown of a bad relationship he felt confused and didn't know what he wanted.
However, he swore to me he never met anyone off the apps and deleted them straight away. This just didn't sit right with me why you'd download several apps and then delete them all and his behaviour/attitude just seemed very off. Anyway as the days went on more and more information came to light.
He told me he ended up meeting a young trans person (male to female) who he spent a period of a few weeks spending time with, doing sexual things with etc. (he claims he tried to give them oral but didn't like it but did other sexual things to them and they gave him several blowjobs etc.) this resulted in an argument as I felt he had lied to me about the extent of what had gone on and I felt there was still more to the story but he was adamant that was it and this was the only person he met on the first night he downloaded the apps.
He then confessed that he had been on the apps up until last year, sending people pictures etc but that he did so because gay people are desperate etc and he didn't actually get any sexual gratification from it he just thought it was funny and did it when he was bored. This has absolutely disgusted me because being gay or bi or curious is one thing but I feel it's such a very strange and almost predatory thing to do to seek out people and essentially send them things and talk about things but not have any intention of doing it if you understand what I mean. At the time he met this trans girl she was 19 and he was 26 and I don't know why but that age gap just doesn't sit right with me at all either especially as I feel trans people are more "vulnerable" due to dealing with whatever is going on with their life.
He swears blind he isn't gay and is disgusted by what he did and that he's had time to reflect and that all he wants is to be with me, he finds me attractive etc but I can't get this out of my head at all. And I feel the lies have made it worse as I can't trust him that there's not more.
His mum rang me up as she found out we had fallen out (she saw his car parked elsewhere and wondered what had gone on) and said she knew about this trans person and that she had met them as he brought her to a family members house and introduced her as his girlfriend (!). He said he forgot he brought her round and didn't introduce her as that at all they just nipped in and out quickly and he swears he literally spent a few weeks hanging out with this person and a few sexual things happened but that he's told me everything. He also said he kept in touch with her every now and again until last year but says he hasn't seen her for a couple of years since this all happened and they never spoke about anything sexual just general chat. He blocked her this year because apparently she messaged him a couple of months ago (just saying hi how are you) and he said he never responded just blocked her straight away because he doesn't want anything to do with her.
I just can't get my head around it at all and for some reason I feel so betrayed and disgusted by the whole situation. I can't stop picturing him with this person and the things they did and what he was getting up to on these apps. I also just can't shake the feeling that there's more to it but he's absolutely adamant that there isn't and that he's told me everything and he's not proud of it etc and didn't ever bring it up prior because he hates that he was in such a dark place in his life.
What on earth do I do?! How do I move past this and what can I do to trust him again? I know we all have pasts and it's really nothing to do with me but I've been nothing but honest and open about my past with him and thought we could make this work and be a family but I can't get this out of my head and I'm torturing myself with it and I know that's not healthy either.