Premature ejaculation ruined my relationship

[anonymousx26]

Hello, this is difficult to admit but my girlfriend of 3 years split up with me because I’ve struggled with PE for 18 months. I can see why she’d be upset and want more, but during the last year I felt like she made things worse and didn’t help reignite the spark.
She wouldn’t sleep with me twice in one night in the hope the 2nd time would last longer, she didn’t initiate sex, she didn’t agree to things that I said I would enjoy, and after sex instead of chatting or cuddling she’d turn over and go on her phone, all these things actually made my confidence and anxiety worse. My advice to couples experiencing sex issues is please compromise where you can, if your partner is great at everything except sex (which both my partner and I were) then do things they want, experiment and reassure confidence. I’m gutted she broke up with me over it, I did everything else in my power to make her happy knowing I was struggling in the bedroom. To state I also tried things, such as pills, relaxing and exercises, but my confidence was too low to make a comeback from the highs of our first 18 months.
i appreciate any advice too.

She didn't agree to things i said I would enjoy? Such as?

She wouldn’t sleep with me twice in one night in the hope the 2nd time would last longer, she didn’t initiate sex, she didn’t agree to things that I said I would enjoy,

You realise that this sounds like complaint that she wouldn't let you rape her, right? Because that's what it is when you coerce someone into sex that they don't want because you want it and your wants are more important.

Go do some work on yourself. Doesn't sound like PE is your biggest problem.

A woman is allowed to say no to anything that she doesn't want to do, whether it's sexual or not.

What did you do re your PE? What did your GP say when you visited?

Well, I wouldn't want to have disappointing sex twice in one night either and she was perfectly within reason to have her own boundary and refuse to do certain things you liked just because you liked them.

I think you might have posted this on the wrong site if you want any helpful comments. You'll get loads of derogatory comments and insinuations. As evidenced by the first goading reply.

Praying that it's a troll

Probably been controversial but there are other ways, for example going down on he?

My ex was like you. Do you ever think about trying things SHE would like? Did you learn how to please her in other ways? How to touch her, make sure it was good for her…or did you leave her unsatisfied?
Did you go to thedr’s to try and get to the root of the problem? Go to therapy to see if that would help. Because in your post it sounds like you are making it all about what you want and what she should be doing.
The trying twice in one night was probably due to the disappointment of getting turned on and then it being over far too soon…it gets boring and frustrating and then it gets to the stage where you just dont want to any more.

Rather than expecting her to have sex twice why didn't you just have a wank in the shower before sex to see if that helped?

So it’s her fault then?

@Beth216 - Awesome comment.

Also interested to know if OP went to the doctor and actually took real steps to fix the problem as another poster suggested.

18 months of the situation. Why on earth should the woman have to endure doing things she doesn't want to and derives no pleasure from to solve the man's issues. What about her needs?
And when it doesn't work out, OPs suggestion is to be satisfied with her lot.

Nope.

I'm very sorry you're having PE issues and I imagine it's affecting your self-confidence.

If you have seen a doctor, made changes to your lifestyle, pleasured your gf in all other ways etc then yeah, she might be a bit harsh to break up with you over it. Though really, incompatibility in the bedroom is a reasonable dealbreaker especially in a new relationship like this one.

If you have not seen a medical specialist, if you have not made many changes, if you're expecting her to do the work (why does she need to have sex twice? Why can't you wank beforehand?) then you are being very unreasonable to expect her to stick around.

Your line about her not wanting to try sexual things you like adds to my impression that you're just incompatible. Are you sure she broke up with you only because if your PE and not for a general realisation you're not a good fit together?

@anonymousx26 - this does sound painful and difficult for you and I’m sorry you’re in this position.

It does sound as if you were putting a lot of pressure on your GF sexually and that may be why the relationship ended.

Also, as PP have said, there are other ways of preparing for sex so that you can last longer. It doesn’t mean she has to have sex with you twice.

Overall, it sounds like the situation became very pressurised for both of you. And certainly having her turn away after sex must have been disheartening. It sounds like PE was not a problem during the first 18 months. Are you able to identify what was different then? Were you using condoms? Do you think sex maybe became a bit too performative after the first 18 months with less actual connection? You don’t have to answer these questions - they’re just suggestions of things to consider.

From OP: she didn’t agree to things that I said I would enjoy.

She should never agree to things she doesn't want to do sexually. It would also not make any sense to do these things as the issue is that you ejaculate prematurely. Surely if she is performing sexual acts on you that you like even more than regular sex then that would only make you ejaculate even faster? If you were struggeling getting it up or ejaculating then experimenting might have made sense.

A lot of women would rather go without sex than have bad sex that ends before she has even got started. She has put up with it for a year and a half and I'm by the sounds of it, with no improvement. She gave it a shot, realised life is too short, and decided to move on. It doesn't make her a bad person. It also creates resentment unfortunately as she will have been disappointed every time you had sex as she probably hoped it would work that time.