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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Aiming to split in 12 months, how to keep negative thinking at bay as it's consuming me

37 replies

Chickennuggetqueen · 27/08/2024 16:17

Hi, looking for advice from people who have been through similar as I am driving myself mad and can't afford a therapist!!

So in my head I have already completely separated from my husband of 20 years and I am intending to tell him in about 12 months time. This is due to a number of things such as kids ages, saving up money, getting ducks in a row. I'm trying to be sensible and not rush it.
My husband doesn't know any of this but is fully aware that we are in a very unhappy marriage and we basically live as if we are separated already, we have seperate bedrooms, do nothing together, aren't intimate etc.
I feel happy with my decision and I am focusing on my future.
But day to life is very hard. Being in the same house with someone who you don't want to be around is very difficult. There is always an uncomfortable atmosphere and we bicker very easily. We disagree on absolutely everything in life .
I spend all day every day fantasising about what my new life will be like, even when I'm at work. And if not, how much i dislike him and how unhappy i am with my life . I can't focus on anything else . I can feel the effect it is having on my mind and body as I feel very restless, can't settle, my brain is in overdrive. I don't want to feel this way, I want to be able to spend some time relaxing at home if possible but as soon as I walk through the door, every one of my senses is heightened and it is exhausting.
How do I get over this? It feels like this huge thing looming ahead of me and I can think of nothing else

OP posts:
Rhaidimiddim · 27/08/2024 20:02

DadJoke · 27/08/2024 19:57

The way you can make it more bearable is to see a lawyer straight away. You do not currently understand how divorce finances and custody work. I am not trying to be harsh, but that’s the reality.

I agree 1000% with DadJoke. Talking with a solicitor will give you information on what to do to plan, instead of just work-endure-save. And that can only help you endure the nwxt year.

SpringKitten · 27/08/2024 20:30

If you are basically separated you don’t need to engage in arguments with him. Pp mentioned the grey rock technique - that’s exactly what you need. You can also try “southern wife” technique, where you meet all aggression and hostility with a Mother-Theresa-esque benevolence. It’s actually kind of fun in a perverse sort of way and it certainly means you’re likely to soothe and pacify your dh which in turn means you may have more luck asking about his assets and finances. You could tackle this through the lens “dh, I’ve been worrying about what Labour is going to do about savings and investments. Is there anything you are thinking of changing so that we don’t get stung?” Or maybe “dh I was thinking it might be worth getting solar panels for the house, do you think we have enough in our savings for that?” Or whatever.

Meantime you could enjoy taking cuttings from your garden to populate your new home with free plants; keeping a close eye on Freecycle and nabbing any small things that you might like to have in your new home (you could store in a spare cupboard/ attic); work on decluttering.

And you could take up a new hobby - how about couch to 5k?

Hoppinggreen · 27/08/2024 20:38

Chickennuggetqueen · 27/08/2024 17:14

@Hoppinggreen I would be penniless initially until finances sorted down the line. I would have to claim UC on top of my full time wage and I wouldn't have enough to cover even the basic bills before the UC came through which I think is 6 weeks. I'm on minimum wage

Again, do you KNOW all this? Has a properly qualified person told you?
I am not saying that you are wrong and I don't know, I just want to make sure that you have not made any assumptions based on things your H may have said to you.
Apologies if I seem to be being repetitive and you know your situation best but I have heard women say similar things and not realised what their rights actually are

Garlicnaan · 27/08/2024 20:46

In terms of actually answering the question, I remember someone saying to me that ultimately, I am in control of how others affect me and I can choose not to let their moods bring me down. It's a mindset. I imagine an impenetrable shield around me.

So if he tries to start a fight, "yes you're probably right".

If he's in a foul mood, be your happy lovely self.

Take up an absorbing hobby that gets you out the house and thinking about something else.

planAplanB · 27/08/2024 20:50

Chickennuggetqueen · 27/08/2024 17:21

I get my wage but it's only a small amount that wouldn't cover my monthly outgoings initially plus I need a deposit for rent . All savings are in his name as he's the higher earner and been able to save. I pay all of our day to day expenses , food etc

You'd get half of all the savings regardless of whose name they are in.

HalfWayDown · 27/08/2024 20:54

Life is too short to wait 12 months, you will make yourself mentally ill. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Leave now, you’ll manage

fernsandlilies · 27/08/2024 21:12

OP why do you think it should be you who moves out?
Have you taken any advice about getting money for a deposit payment from the joint assets ie your STBXH’s savings ? (called maintenance pending suit)
and I strongly recommend this guide if you are determined to press ahead without a lawyer;

https://www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/how-apply-financial-order-without-lawyer

but mainly- Good Luck and stay strong, you can do this.

How to apply for a financial order without a lawyer

If you are trying to sort out your money and property as part of a divorce and are unable to agree a financial divorce settlement, this guide is for you. It shows you how to go to court to get a financial order (also called a financial remedy order) if...

https://www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/how-apply-financial-order-without-lawyer

CheekyHobson · 27/08/2024 21:44

planAplanB · 27/08/2024 20:50

You'd get half of all the savings regardless of whose name they are in.

Yeah, but that's going to be miles down the road after what will likely be a protracted legal battle and moving-out costs, which takes money that she doesn't currently have.

If he holds the money in a separate account, he's not going to just hand it over when told that she's leaving and she's entitled to it.

BigAnne · 27/08/2024 21:55

@Chickennuggetqueen speak to Women's Aid ASAP.

CheekyHobson · 27/08/2024 22:12

God there are some unhelpful responses here from people who have obviously not been in this situation. OP, I've been there.

There is good reason that the advice about toxic people is to go no contact, just cut them out of your life, or go as low contact as possible. The more contact you have with them, the more opportunities to feel irritated by them, bicker, be abused, all of which creates stress for you. There is little chance for productive engagement with these people, interactions will almost never go as you hope. So just reduce the interactions.

@Garlicnaan is right, the biggest shift you need to make is to decide you're not going to allow him to affect your mental state.

You have to accept that he is who he is, he's going to be a dick about lots of things, and there is absolutely zero value for you in engaging in conflict with him or trying to change who he is. Your one and only goal is to protect your own peace of mind while you're stuck in a house with him, so you are going to want to do whatever it takes to avoid conflict, which will only cause you stress.

You have to let go of ideas of fairness or being right, and take the high road/ a more practical approach. In a year's time, you'll be a single mum and doing everything by yourself. So start doing everything now and stop complaining about it. Yes, it's extra work for you but it's good training for the future.

If a messy house fucks with your peace of mind, pick up his stuff and put it in a pile in his room rather than starting a fight trying to get him to pick up. It's easier to do it yourself than fight over it, honestly. If he's never pulled his weight, stop expecting him to or trying to get him to. Just do it yourself, and work on making your systems more efficient so you can get everything done by yourself. Yes, I know it's unfair and it feels like pandering to him, but it's picking the better of two bad options.

Every time I did something that was really his job, I told myself that I was becoming more capable and independent and he was becoming weaker and more reliant, and it was going to come back to haunt him. Now I smile every time I remember my ex moaning to me that it took all weekend to clean the huge new house he rented after we split and that "it seemed to be an unusually dusty and dirty house". No, dude, that's what all houses get like when you can't be bothered to clean them regularly.

Never show up to a fight he invites you to. I always think of that meme with Tom Hardy as Mad Max where he shakes his head and says, "That's bait". Learn to recognise bait and don't take it. When he provokes you, say "Oh, okay" or "That's interesting" or "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "You may be right" or whatever mild, non-committal response makes it difficult for him to argue with you. You don't have to mean what you say, you just have to say it. In your head you'll be thinking, "Christ, you're a moron and I'm not going to dirty myself rolling around in the mud with you."

I shifted my sleep hours so they were right out of sync with his. Started waking up very early so I had time for myself in the mornings before work and then going to bed basically as soon as the kids were in bed. This minimised direct contact.

I focused on doing things with the kids that they and I enjoyed and he didn't. Planned more outings, even trips away to places he wouldn't want to go. Lots of visits to my parents house while making it clear that if he had "other things to do" it was fine if he didn't come. Spent lots of time making plans and spreadsheets and counting savings as I worked towards my exit point.

It's all worth it. In two years you'll look back and be amazed at how your life has changed.

Witchbitch20 · 27/08/2024 22:16

https://www.womens-work.org.uk/support-areas/freedom-programme/

On a practical level @Chickennuggetqueen are you able to go out/have time to yourself? If you are use it to give yourself a break/time away.

At some point get legal advice - even if it’s just so you know the basics for when you are ready to leave.

Do you have things like a good credit score and do you have someone who can give you references for rental properties?

Are you able to basically start to live separately now? Do you have a separate living space or one living room with everyone piled in? If every conversation becomes an argument it’s exhausting (and so is just trying to bite your tongue), so I would try and minimise the opportunities for ‘battles’.

Good luck; I hope you get out in a way that’s save and right for you and your children.

Freedom Programme - Domestic Abuse & Trauma - Women's Work

https://www.womens-work.org.uk/support-areas/freedom-programme

okydokethen · 28/08/2024 15:58

Have a mantra in your head when the negative thoughts arrive something like 'for now this is my cross to bear' or 'freedom is coming', 'keep going for the kids, almost there's... anything to change to a positive outlook.

Keep busy with plans without him.

Take up long walks or something and tell him it's your new regime but it's actually just an opportunity to clear your head.

Fein illness and go to bed early.

Work over time.

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