Partner won't leave - joint HA tenancy

[Sunshinebeyond]

Hello I'm looking for advice regarding myself and my partner having a joint housing association tenancy. The relationship has broken down, it was always going to end this way due to partners substance abuse issues. Partner is diagnosed with a mental health issue, I think there are strong narcissistic traits at play as partner comes from a very dysfunctional family with high narcissistic traits. Partner becomes very unreasonable demanding money for alcohol, smoking, vaping and drugs. Its no way for me and my child to live. Situation has gotten alot worse since new medication started just over 6 months ago. I am full time carer for partner but I'm treated like dirt. The mess is ridiculous it actually seems deliberate I think weaponized incompetence is at play. I'm told you are paid to care for me. Partner won't allow me to get a job even though I think it would do my mental health and self worth the world of good. I have been made to give up 2 jobs previously that I was doing very well in.

Partner will not leave, I wonder what would happen with regards to myself and my child being able to stay in the property. I know my partner wont make it easy but given their mental health illness and drug abuse they would probably loose the property soon enough as child would stay with me as a permanent residence. I think it makes sense for partner to leave. Any advice is much appreciated.

Speak to the HA

Yes he is the childs father.

Alright @OneSparklyPeachDreamer OP is here for advice, not to be kicked for being parent in a difficult situation.

@Sunshinebeyond speak to your HA, GP and Shelter, maybe even Womens Aid can help support you. You mention he is on medication, is he still using alcohol and drugs?
This is possibly a safeguarding issue, is your child in school or nursery? If so also speak to them for help. Try and get as much help as you can to resolve this. Good Luck.

I agree with @HappyStep1 knowledge is power here, OP. Your partner sounds controlling and emotionally abusive, so contact Women's Aid, as well as the Housing Association itself, and also the Housing department of your local council. There will be some answers out there for you, you need support and help though to get him to leave and for you to have a peaceful home again and it may involve getting him out or you moving elsewhere.

Thank you @HappyStep1 child is 12. Its not a good situation at all, rose tinted glasses are off and I see past the empty promises and occasional apologies with no changed behaviour and its only getting worse. Drug use is getting worse life has become unbearable recently. I am in touch with a local team through womens aid. There is a waiting list of a few weeks at present.

Speak to the HA as they will have had thousands of cases idendical to yours so will also have set processes, legal works around this. Speak to them asap.

You have ended the relationship as you have every right to do, also, its abusive if he is restricting going to seek work. He is emotionally abusing you.

@Sunshinebeyond Just a thought, do you have the control documented? Perhaps try and report to the Police? I appreciate this may be a step too far for you and your child's safety.
Talk to the school this week before they start back to see if you can get a referral to SS to help.
If his behaviour is escalating get back in touch with WA and tell them.

I was in a similar situation with my XDH.
We were council housed and he refused to leave.
I arranged a meeting with the housing department of the council and was housed in temporary accommodation for a year and a bit.
Absolutely the best decision I ever made.
Go for it OP, Don't waste any more of your precious time with this person.
It's essential your child doesn't think this is how women are treated.
I know it's hard but the alternative is harder.

Not trying to be argumentative but with his addictions I would have thought that he would be in greater need of the house. I dont think HA would like yo be responsible for him losing his home. A single bloke would be at the bottom of the list when it came to rehousing and I wiukdn't like to think of some of the places they would be expecting him to live.

Very tricky situation.

I've told my husband I wish to separate. He has a mental health condition and a drug addiction problem. It's got significantly worse over the last 6 months enough is enough I've tried to help him over the years but he won't help himself and I've realised nothing will improve and he has no intention of quitting drugs. Myself and my daughter have had enough, she is old enough now to have an idea of what's going on, I naively hoped he would of sorted himself out by now. I've stopped attending his MH appointments with him now as he isn't honest with them and I don't really see hoe they help as he doesn't engage with them at appointments. He has told the Dr I am financially abusing him as I manage all the money and he has to ask for any money. He never had an issue with this before as I pay all the bills etc and we had an agreement of how much he can spend on his drugs, I don't feel proud to say that but it was a kind of compromise. He has gotten more demanding as his addiction has spiralled and I've tried to put my foot down and tell him no when he is unreasonable. I feel he is trying to make out I am the bad guy in all this, when in fact he is a manipulative and emotionally controlling bully. What I am asking is has anyone had a similar experience? Will social services see the true situation here? The lady who phoned me was very compassionate and seems to be on my side with it all so to speak and she also mentioned a statement my daughter had given the other week to police when I had to call them as my husband was trying to make us leave the house and said he didn't trust himself, in which I my daughter said she often goes without treats because of his spending habits. I feel he is doing this in retaliation as I want to separate as he doesn't want to, but he also doesn't want to change either.