Support needed(baby dad problems)

[Berrycake1]

My eldest daughter dad who I have a 4yr old with has lately been trying to see his daughter who he hasn’t bothered with or messaged about her over the years apart from if it’s Christmas or birthdays . I have agreed a couple of times before for him to see her but have bailed out as I have been skeptical on a few things . Him being inconsistent and because he has been abusive physically and mentally before my pregnancy with my daughter and the beginning of my pregnancy with her and me having too go through social services and fight for my daughter by myself through court as I stayed in the dv relationship with him . I was 19 at the time going through court with my daughter .

Recently him and his girlfriend had messaged my youngest one’s dad who I have a 2 year old with too say to him “fck being nice anymore , she fcked me in my mums bathroom whilst pregnant with your daughter” and saying “I could be worse”
Too try and back himself up too show he did fck me (which has NEVER happened) his girlfriend then sent a screenshot to my partner to say look this message was in 2021 of her messaging him of me saying “We’re never getting back together init 😒”

Yes I was pregnant with his daughter at the time and had also said I really can’t remember sending that because it was 3years ago & the only reason why I stuck around with him after the abusive relationship I was very trauma bonded, everything just didn’t seem so real to me I was a mess to be honest . I have gotten over him a long time ago and my now partner cannot trust me at all because in the beginning of our relationship I wasn’t the best towards him and wasn’t healed from anything at all , but recently I have became the best version of myself and now it’s gone all down hill again and don’t know what too do .
My partners been shouting at me because of this to say he’s going to get professionals involved and feel he’s just been so nasty after this , I have told him I didn’t do anything with him and he just keeps telling me I am lying , I’m a lying cheat etc just everything , it’s getting too much 😭
The girlfriend and him had been arguing on this day too , something always seems to go on when they argue and my partner saying oh how I must’ve done something with him because he’s gone and told his own girlfriend . I had told him I’m sorry you’ve had to get them kind of messages but I certainly didn’t do anything with him and I KNOW I haven’t . Just thinking this will all be used against me now just can’t take anymore from them

Honestly it too much drama, I’d cut all contact with them both if they want contact they can go through mediation. I’d dump your current BF as If there is no trust it will always be the same, set up a contact schedule and be strong make a new life for you and your little ones. Good luck op it’s tough.

Step away from all 3 of them. None of them are good for you or your children

Don't get involved with anyone else until you've done the freedom programme with Women's Aid. Build your self esteem

Absolutely this.

The very last time I did agree for him too see her I said out in public , and I spoke to his mother on the phone about it when I went shopping , and then all of a sudden his girlfriend messages my partner to say we are speaking in that type of way and want to do sexual things with eachother when all I did was speak about my daughter autism and he had an argument with his girlfriend and I said just said no I can’t do this it’s to much drama . And my partner got mad because he called me darling on a message and because I said to my eldest daughter dad this is why I’m done with relationships . I wasn’t trying to flirt . Now bevause I was shopping and was on phone to my abusers mum my now partner keeps saying I’m going out to have sneaky convos with him .

Op it sounds to me like you have been doing really great, and this can piss of the abusive ex. Under no circumstances do they like it if their ex is doing well. They will always try and sabotage your happiness.

Your current partner sounds toxic too. Personally the reason why you are feeling down is because you know its not working between the two of you? The way he is going on at you is not loving, caring or constructive for any kind of dialogue between you, your current partner sounds like he now has a set narrative due to your ex rather than support you.

Been through similar and the best thing is to stand by yourself and your kids.

Tell your current DP that you do not hold control of what someone sends you, or says over the phone. I would be done by just that action alone as its very telling how he is trying to disapline you or show down your throat that his narrative of things is the correct one, this is emotional abuse, and will escilate