Lonely on Holiday

[Rosiecidar]

So, I have travelled a lot on my own from mid 30s to early 50s (pause during COVID). And I mean completely on my own, not with a tour group, just me and a passport and bag and I have really enjoyed it. My philosophy is do it while I have health and wealth. But after travelling a fair amount with a boyfriend last year and a shitty heart breaking end of a relationship I really felt lonely this time. I found I skipped dinner altogether one evening because the restaurants were full of couples or groups and another evening in the hotel I was literally the only sole dinner - normally I would read a book but I felt so uncomfortable. Just sharing to see if others can relate, I actually wonder if the thing is to eat earlier when places are quiet anyway?

I completely understand. I travel alone and often get lonely. I tend to chat to people and look at my phone.

Just bare in mind that no one notices you. I sometimes make myself a meal from a supermarket. If the weather's nice I find a spot with a nice view and eat outside.

Thank you @cupcaske123 usually it doesn't bother me but this was my completely solo trip since the break up and it did bother me....I have skipped dinner altogether and had nice lunches in the past but dinner was included one evening as it was a fancy hotel in the middle of nowhere...

Is it worth looking at activity/hobby based group holidays for a bit?

Stop looking at them as being happy couples.
They could be having a horrible time and just going through the motions until they get back

You on the other hand can eat where you like. What you like without any quibble

Try to change your mindset. You're grieving a relationship not sad because you're on holiday alone

I think this is part of the grieving process for the end of your relationship.
Although you enjoyed travelling solo before, your most recent travel experiences were with a partner, which I presume were good experiences and now that relationship has ended it's another layer of grief and loss of experience to be travelling alone.
I'm sure you will get your travel mojo back, just accept that it may feel a little bitter sweet, especially if their are other couples around.
Be kind to yourself 💖
And, as another posted said just because couples are travelling together doesn't mean they are happy.

When I travelled completely alone I preferred to have a later lunch as my main meal and just had snacks in my room in the evening.
I'm not a drinker so wasn't missing out on nightlife and tended to stay out till 7 /8 in the evening so by the time I had a shower etc it wasn't a very long evening
I don't mind eating alone at all but I found I attracted less attention at lunchtimes than dinner- by which I mean the nice couples who want to adopt you for the evening or the waiters who thought you were desperate
I did do a lot of group trips though and they were fine. Always someone you could get on with but you could opt out of things if you wanted to.

I also travel a bit solo, but I really don't enjoy going out for dinner on my own. It is just a bit too formal, and it's either couples, groups, or business people together I find.

So I don't do it anymore. I make sure I stay in a nice hotel with a good breakfast, start out exploring early and stop for coffee on the way. I really do enjoy lunch out though, as I find that much more relaxed and less formal, and often a good way to nod and smile at fellow diners and often chat if that's how it works out.

For dinner I'm not bothered, I won't starve and if there is a cheapo place with no tablecloths like a trattoria, pizza place or something like that, I might try it. Otherwise it's a picnic in my room, which is often very enjoyable after a day walking around!

I'm in my sixties now and still a bit intrepid on the solo travelling front, but I'm not propositioned, chatted up or hassled much anymore now, which is very liberating!

If I do get hassle, I point to my ears and say "I am deaf" in whatever language is spoken, and that sorts that out! Strategies my dears, strategies!

As a parent on holiday our evening meals might look lovely but they are full of stress. How I long to be sat on my own with a book!

Perhaps it's time to try a group trip for a change,there will always be someone to talk or eat with if you feel like it,and it's a good way of meeting new friends.Being a couple on holiday isn't always fun,a lot of them ignore each other,eat in silence,sit with there phone etc, it can be just as lonely as being on your own.

I have done loads of group trips. On this trip I felt lonely because I missed being part of a couple and that shared experience. I understand what you're saying about other couples but I was comparing it to my experience which wasn't negative.

I have only recently (in the last few years) started travelling solo and completely understand how you feel (I am mid40s). On my most recent solo trip I did end up skipping dinner- I just had drinks and nibbles in my hotel and at a museum where it was less obvious I was on my own. I am actually trying to do/organise more trips with friends or to attend events to mix in with my solo trips as it can get very lonely, particularly in the UK where nobody chats to strangers anyway- I have now done five solo trips this year so have planned trips with family/friends for the rest of the year.

I completely relate to that. I travelled alone for years then met someone, travelled with him and really enjoyed the companionship. That relationship ended and my first trip alone after that was quite sad a lot of the time. A ridiculously low point was almost crying when I saw a couple’s under crackers drying on a line 🤣

I’ve not been away since due to other circumstances but I’m sure when I do I will feel more like I did before travelling with him (or will dramatically look away from all washing).

It’s tough but when a relationship ends we have to go through the process of re acclimatising to doing everything alone again. The more we do it the easier it becomes. Don’t let it put you off future trips 🙂

@Lurkingandlearning thank you, I think you have understood me very well. I ag

Sorry...finger slip.
I agree it's about re-acclimistising, I hadn't thought about it in that way.

@Rosiecidar I actually wonder if the thing is to eat earlier when places are quiet anyway?

Would you consider a self-cater? You could have your dinner with a book, or your laptop, or the telly.

I like nice hotels to be honest...but I have tried an Airbnb alone, I felt a little uncomfortable about that, a person in the building came and spoke to me checking if I was a friend of the owner...

Depending on where you are, self-caters can be quite swish - not talking about Airbnb. More accurate term might be serviced flat.

Thank you, good idea.

It's grieving being in a relationship and it's natural to feel lonely now compared with last time you travelled. Not every moment of a solo trip will be fantastic op. There's nothing wrong with you for feeling like this you're only human

Thank you, so kind.