Marriage?

[CIng]

I keep being asked whether my bf and I will get married and the truth is that I don't know. Been together ages (15 years). No kids (yet). Happy and on a reasonably equal financial footing. Why get married these days? It has never been a dream for me (though love it for other people) but I increasingly wonder whether it's something you regret not having done later in life...I'd be really interested to hear a variety of perspectives if anyone is happy to share. Did marrying change anything for you (for better or worse)? Is not marrying something you regret?

It will benefit you if......

You are the lower earner
You plan to have kids & take time out
You live in a house that is just in his name

And these are just the financially important ones.

Marriage was never on my to do list.
I never really understood it if shit hits the fan i can walk away without any strings.
Whats mine is mine.
Ive seen so many happy people but when they get married with in a few year they are getting divorced.
For some it works out others it dont.
I do think marriage changes some people its like being owned.
Some do it for money reasons but what i earn is mine what i have and worked for is to much to lose in a divorce to give half away when he didnt get in the first place.
My parents were happy for years got married and divorced 5 year later it ruined them.
My nan never got married she said she dont need paper to prove she loved him 65 years together before he passed way.

plus you only have to read MN to know married life is not all blissful.

Thats what i mean some it works some it dont.

I dont know i was to young to take notice.
Its a choice to do it i choose not to other choose to do it.

I'm in the same boat as you OP, together 15 years now but never married, I couldn't ever see the point.

No kids, house is mine (bought before we got together) and I am the higher earner.

We are considering marriage now that we are getting older though, mainly for financial reasons - how romantic!. I would want him to have my house if I went first, he would want me to have his savings (he's got way more than me!). We could just make wills but actually being married would make things so much easier when it comes down to it.

We could just make wills but actually being married would make things so much easier when it comes down to it.

You should make wills anyway - what if you died together in a carcrash or something. It's much easier for those left behind than if you die intestate, even if it's a tiny estate (as my non-house-owning parents' estates were.)

@IamSmarticus So interesting and I totally understand. I wonder how many of us there are!

This is true.

If you’re the higher earned it’s a terrible legal contract.
If you own a house, you’re effectively gifting the other person 50% of it tax free.

For the lower earner marriage is effectively like winning a lottery. It tends to be this partner that really pushes for it (obvious when you think about it). But the narrative is dressed up as ‘love’ not money.
For the higher earner, it’s literally the worst legal contract you could come up with. Why would you sign a contract where the other person is financially incentivised to break it and you’ll have losses without recourse.

The whole thing is totally antiquated.

Have a party to say you’re in love in front of all of your friends and family? Sure, it’s a great day out!
Sign over 50% of what I have in the case my spouse arbitrarily just says they want a divorce… err I’ll pass on that, but thanks for the offer 😂😂

Meet someone who is then offended by this position or who won’t entertain a prenup.. well they’ve made their motivations clear 😆

Bit of a different scenario for us. Together 12 years. We are older in our 50s and have 4 grown kids between us and due to become GPs next April. His house. I'm divorced. Equal earnings. He was widowed. We muddled along in separate houses while kids grew quite happily. We are both very independent. Sometimes theres a catalyst that means we change our decisions. For us, it was my mother, my kids father (53) and his mother dying within 7 months of each other 2 years ago that changed the dynamics. He then proposed. Cliched...
but yes we decided lets get married! We are doing the whole wedding thing in 8 weeks and having a massive party and couldn't be happier!

Why get married these days?

Legal protection. When you marry you enter a contract and your money and investments conjoin. If you want a share of the house and other assets then marry.

You also become next of kin and can make decisions regarding end of life care, funeral arrangements and inherit.

You get marriage allowance.

I've been married three times and divorced all of them. It's always a legal nightmare. All I wanted was to leave without all that hassle.
I'm happily single now and will never get married again. I cannot risk DS's inheritance.
I have a career and my own home. I can afford to help DS buy his first home.
Marriage would mean being a servant to another man not sure why I'd want to do that.
I'm also post menopausal so my romantic dreams have left with my hormones and I can see clearly now.
I live in a small cul de sac which is full of single women my age. None of them want to get married again.

Marriage would mean being a servant to another man not sure why I'd want to do that.

That's a choice, surely.

Marriage would mean being a servant to another man

Why would it mean being a servant to anyone?

Marriage doesn't have to be heterosexual these days.

So true.

In the past people got married younger (early 20's) when they had just started out in life. Both really didnt have much so were on an equal footing & therefore didnt really have anything to win or lose.

Nowdays people are marrying in their 30's when they have careers or might have Inherited money......not to think of the 40 & 50 year olds on their 2nd or 3rd marriages.