Anyone up? want to kick him out ?

[Honeybuney]

Hi everyone.

Ive been with my partner 3 years and we have a baby together. We recently got back together after breaking up in November ( honestly due to the stress of having a new baby, we were both shattered and would constantly argue), during this time he moved out and he got a place. We rekindled back in March he this month we decided we wanted to try things out again and he moved back in.

So this weekend, he was invited out on to a friends birthday party. He hasn’t been out much so I was happy for him to get out. The party was on Sunday daytime. He just got home an hour ago. He told me He was staying at his cousins that night. Fine I had no reason not to believe him. I spoke to him this morning and he told me he would be back mid afternoon. Fine again. We didn’t have any plans just to really chill and spend time together since he doesn’t get much time off of work. When I spoke to him around noon he said he would be back about 5. Annoying but okay. He’s turned up an hour ago, drunk. I was so annoyed that I got into bed with the baby and he slept on the sofa.

Now, I know this wasn’t right but I had something telling me to go through his phone, I’ve seen a message between him and another women. He told her it was nice meeting her yesterday. She didn’t reply. I am fuming obviously. I really want to wake him up and go ballistic but I don’t want to wake up the baby. I just don’t know what to do. He’s up for work at 5am so contemplating till stay up till then to tell him to pack his bags.

Does he have form for cheating? Why do you want to kick him out for messaging a woman?

I'd let him sleep if has work. Otherwise you'll do nothing from now till then but argue but there is no point being with someone who you don't trust. Just tell him not to come back after work and move on.

How is he getting to work? What does he work as?

Work at 5am and came home drunk at 2am?

I'm assuming OP's not in the UK given the timelines stated.

I agree there must be a backstory as why would there be a problem with seeing a text like that.

Are you lot for real…he is texting another woman …after going out and getting drunk when he said he would be at home.
priorities.

It doesn't sound as though he is really committed to life as a responsible family man with a young baby.

I'm not surprised you are suspicious about what he has been up to.

I think you are right that this relationship is not working and you would be better apart.

I would tell him it’s not working out as a couple and you want him to move back to his own place as of today. You will co-parent with him amicably but a relationship is off the cards. Then get a parenting app and communicate through that to make childcare arrangements. Learn the grey rock technique and maintain a civil but distant co-parenting relationship. He’s messaging other women, going missing drinking for days, he’s not committed to your relationship and it’s best to end it now and co-parent than to end up hating each other and dragging yourself through the stress of living with a man who’s not fully committed to you or pulling his weight as a parent. This way, you will have a happier home for your child and you will even get some time off for yourself when the baby is with him. Make sure he contributes financially too. Contact CMS if you have to. Use their calculator to see what you should be entitled to and ask him to pay that to you directly. If he want, contact CMS and have them deal with him.

"It was nice meeting you" sounds, on the face of it, quite innocuous. However, the fact that you feel like going 'ballistic' about the message suggests that you don't really trust or feel comfortable with him. How have things been since you got back together / does he have form for infidelity or flirting with other women?

I did find see some messages when I was pregnant that were dated back to just before I got pregnant (happy accident). Nothing that suggested meeting up but quite flirty to a few other women (commenting on their pictures telling them how gorgeous they looked ). I choose to forgive this and we genuinely broke up to from the strain put on our probably already weak relationship after having the baby. Any friends he has, I know of and after being out drunk for 2 days. I was naturally suspicious.

I’ve spoken to him about him and he’s admitted to chatting this women up and asking for her number. I’ve asked for some space, although it’s not the physical act of cheating I wonder if it would have gone further if I didn’t find out. I’m inclined to believe it would have. I think I’m right to cut my losses now to be honest. Thanks for all your replies.

@Honeybuney, it sounds like you’ve been in a false reconciliation. He stayed gone and on a bender for 2 days, and was pursuing another woman (which wasn’t his first rodeo)?? He is much too immature and uncommitted for a relationship and family life.

Make the break permanent and establish a workable co-parenting relationship.