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Original poster

Dating

13 replies

confused002 · 26/08/2024 23:27

So about a week ago I had an amazing first date with someone I met OLD.

Before the date we had swapped numbers, text everyday with a mix of calls and video chats.

It took 2 weeks for us to finally meet in person and we had a really great date. Was initially a coffee that moved onto food and just spending hours together (6 in total). We kissed at the end and everything was great.

Since then again we've been messaging every day with calls and videos too.

We're both busy(him more than me) and live about 90 mins away. So far though we haven't arranged a 2nd date. The chat is still flirty/fun and we have discussed going out again just no plans in place. I have mentioned seeing him again soon etc but he won't commit to a time.

Is he playing me or is it just a case of us not being compatible?

Without going into too much detail he doesn't have much free time (I know this is the case with the videos and what I've seen) is it just a case of him being too busy to date or at least to busy to date someone so far away ?

Help!

OP posts:
Thiswayforward · 26/08/2024 23:31

I would just ask him. If he is 90 minutes away you need to plan forward. If he says no or backtracks you have your answer. But if he is messaging a lot it sounds positive.

Neveranynamesleft · 26/08/2024 23:38

Maybe suggest something along the lines of ' I'm free this Saturday shall we meet at xyz ' and see what the reaction is. Just ask him how he feels things are between you and is he happy to continue seeing you ?

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 26/08/2024 23:39

If you’ve only been on one date and he’s not keen to set another, I’d keep looking if I were you. You can keep him on the back burner in case he suddenly gets some free time and the motivation to spend it with you, but don’t settle for less than you’re looking for. If you want to see someone regularly he isn’t it.

ShrubRose · 26/08/2024 23:40

@confused002 I have mentioned seeing him again soon etc but he won't commit to a time.

Other MNers may disagree, but imo, this is not a great sign, OP.

He could be messaging to keep you on the back burner while he looks around. If you've mentioned seeing him again soon and he hasn't picked up on it he might just not be that into you, as the expression goes.

lazybrownfox · 27/08/2024 00:20

If he really wanted to see you again he would be making arrangements. I think he's arsing about.

smallsilvercloud · 27/08/2024 00:54

The combination of being too busy and the distance is a bit far away to regularly date. I wouldn't consider him a great match tbh just for those reasons. I wouldn't be putting in daily effort building a connection when there isn't another date arranged, surely he's not that booked up, when a man really wants to see you, he will prioritise you on his day off.

Opentooffers · 27/08/2024 01:10

Seems a tad daft to start something up that's 90 minutes away if you have busy schedules. Set your catchment area nearer to home, it really is less hassel.

Biggaybear · 27/08/2024 01:46

I'd look at datimg someone a lot closer to home. You say you met him OLD......what distance parameters did you set ? When I've done OLD I've set mine to 20 miles (as these dating sites always stretch it another 5-10miles).

Back to your point though. Its probably lack of time, too big a distance and probably also speaking to other women.

63isMe · 27/08/2024 03:07

My friend had one like this and he was married. Keen on videos and chat but only intermittent encounters. Red flag is distance - men like they don’t want encounters around their own area…

Webbymeister · 27/08/2024 03:24

Yes. Ask him why not.

Original poster
confused002 · 27/08/2024 07:57

Not sure how we matched as my distance was set to 20 miles.

I think I just need to ask where he thinks it's going. Maybe explain how I'm feeling and say we need to set a date even if it's weeks in advance. If he can't commit to that then I think I need to walk away.

It's mainly work schedules that clash l, that and childcare (he's a full time dad).

I think for it to work longer term I do need to get something in the diary.

There's def no GF / wife as we do talk daily and he always has time for me when I call.

I honestly wouldn't mind the distance if I had something set in stone about when we're going out again. I think it's just the lack of plans that's getting to me. Otherwise we get on so well, have talked about everything and anything too.

OP posts:
DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 27/08/2024 08:06

Daily calls and pouring your hearts out is too much for before and after a first date. It has slipped already into something he is far too comfortable with - he’s getting all the company and support he wants from you I’m afraid.

HarlanPepper · 27/08/2024 08:34

If he won't commit to a date/time then I would cut your losses now. For whatever reason, he's stringing you along.

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