Partner suicidal

CJW0989 · 2024-08-26T17:04:57+00:00

Hi. im currently on holiday and my partner feels suicidal. He has had major meltdowns constantly upset to the point I can’t talk to him. he feels I’m not there for him I don’t care or love him, narcissistic personality and very manipulative. Making my holiday hell. nothing I do I is enough he feels I don’t call enough but I can’t be ringing to argue it’s been four days of constant shit. what do I do? he can’t be civil, can’t have a normal chat, nothing is enough. feeling so sad and overwhelmed.

blazethrough · 26/08/2024 18:12

You need to tell him to get help, then you look after yourself by blocking and leaving him. Yes this is harsh but he is emotionally blackmailing you and wants you to have a shit holiday because "you've left him alone". Do you live together and are there children involved?

thursdaymurderclub · 26/08/2024 18:15

i assume you are on holiday and he is back at home.. so he is emotionally blackmailing you. he's making you miserable, he wants to spoil your holiday, he is controlling you from miles away.

phone the local crisis team.. call an ambulance to his house.. stop giving him what he needs... attention!

Daleksatemyshed · 26/08/2024 18:22

So you've gone on holiday without him so it's you don't care/love me/do enough ?I'm sorry but you're not his support human, you don't exist to make him feel better, if he can't manage without you then he needs to see a Dr/ go to A&E and get help.
If this is recent that's one thing, if he's always depended on you for everything then that's another. Only you know how much you're prepared to take

EveSix · 26/08/2024 18:32

Contact local police to give him a welfare check if they happen to be passing, letting them know he has persistently contacted you while abroad to tell you he means to end his life. The police will take a very dim view of this when they find he's no plan to carry out his threats, and they'll tell him. It is not wasting police time; a friend did this and the police followed up as this behaviour is a red flag for domestic violence and coercive control. Men like your boyfriend bank on you keeping it to yourself, and doubling down on 'loving them through it' in order to fix things. Definitely don't do this. He is manipulating you and punishing you for going on holiday. Can you safely go your separate ways when you return from your holiday?

ShuviToopya · 26/08/2024 18:34

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

thursdaymurderclub · 26/08/2024 18:41

EveSix · 26/08/2024 18:32

Contact local police to give him a welfare check if they happen to be passing, letting them know he has persistently contacted you while abroad to tell you he means to end his life. The police will take a very dim view of this when they find he's no plan to carry out his threats, and they'll tell him. It is not wasting police time; a friend did this and the police followed up as this behaviour is a red flag for domestic violence and coercive control. Men like your boyfriend bank on you keeping it to yourself, and doubling down on 'loving them through it' in order to fix things. Definitely don't do this. He is manipulating you and punishing you for going on holiday. Can you safely go your separate ways when you return from your holiday?

utter garbage! things are changing now with the police.. they are not trained in mental health issues and they will advise you to contact either crisis team and to send an ambulance to his address.

everyone assumes that 'ringing the police' solves all problems.. theres a fire - ring the police, someone has collapsed in the street - ring the police. when there's a fire ring the fire service, when someone is taken ill ring an ambulance...

they most certainly don't take a 'dim view' when they find he has no plan to carry out his treats! they would never judge someone when in a MH crisis and tell them off for being silly... what a ridiculouse comment to make.

there is however an element of controlling and coercive behaviour, and they pick up on this and may wish to speak to you to see if you want to make a formal complaint.

Sicario · 26/08/2024 18:51

Threatening suicide is a well-documented abuse technique that features in coercive / controlling men.

If he genuinely feels suicidal, he needs emergency mental-health treatment, which (obviously) you cannot provide. A&E would be the best place for him.

SpanielPaws · 26/08/2024 18:58

Ring his parents or a friend of his and explain. Then turn your phone off.

TwilightSkies · 26/08/2024 19:01

Is he normally controlling and abusive?

Beth216 · 26/08/2024 19:17

Why would you stay with someone like that, it must be completely suffocating. You need to end this OP.

Howdull · 26/08/2024 19:18

If he's threatening to kill himself you need to call the emergency services.

EveSix · 26/08/2024 19:26

thursdaymurderclub · 26/08/2024 18:41

utter garbage! things are changing now with the police.. they are not trained in mental health issues and they will advise you to contact either crisis team and to send an ambulance to his address.

everyone assumes that 'ringing the police' solves all problems.. theres a fire - ring the police, someone has collapsed in the street - ring the police. when there's a fire ring the fire service, when someone is taken ill ring an ambulance...

they most certainly don't take a 'dim view' when they find he has no plan to carry out his treats! they would never judge someone when in a MH crisis and tell them off for being silly... what a ridiculouse comment to make.

there is however an element of controlling and coercive behaviour, and they pick up on this and may wish to speak to you to see if you want to make a formal complaint.

Show quote history

That's exactly what I'm saying; red flags for coercive behaviour (a form of DA) ‐in my friend's case, the police were happy to investigate, found boyfriend of sound mind and warned him not to persist with contacting my friend but signposted to A&E and the Samaritans (which he tried to use against her). This was not that long ago, and it's debatable whether OP's boyfriend really is in crisis: as @Sicario points out, this is a known strategy among abusive men used to control, manipulate and punish spouses and partners.

thursdaymurderclub · 26/08/2024 19:34

EveSix · 26/08/2024 19:26

That's exactly what I'm saying; red flags for coercive behaviour (a form of DA) ‐in my friend's case, the police were happy to investigate, found boyfriend of sound mind and warned him not to persist with contacting my friend but signposted to A&E and the Samaritans (which he tried to use against her). This was not that long ago, and it's debatable whether OP's boyfriend really is in crisis: as @Sicario points out, this is a known strategy among abusive men used to control, manipulate and punish spouses and partners.

Show quote history

the police cannot deem someone to be of sound mind! yes they will investigate DV. they can charge for stalking and harassment, charge for DV etc. yes they can signpost to MH services. i suspect you are getting mixed up.

of course its coercive and controlling behaviour, its emotional blackmail, and lots of men and women use it as a means to control a partner.

many people who threaten to kill themselves very rarely actually do it, they may do enough to scare you.. small cuts or take a small amount of medication.. sometimes they die purely by accident.. but generally, those who want to kill themselves do so, quietly and without fuss.

EveSix · 26/08/2024 20:07

thursdaymurderclub · 26/08/2024 19:34

the police cannot deem someone to be of sound mind! yes they will investigate DV. they can charge for stalking and harassment, charge for DV etc. yes they can signpost to MH services. i suspect you are getting mixed up.

of course its coercive and controlling behaviour, its emotional blackmail, and lots of men and women use it as a means to control a partner.

many people who threaten to kill themselves very rarely actually do it, they may do enough to scare you.. small cuts or take a small amount of medication.. sometimes they die purely by accident.. but generally, those who want to kill themselves do so, quietly and without fuss.

Show quote history

Really, trust me, in this case, without divulging outing details, the BF was found to be well and safe and definitely not about to do what he had been describing, which had terrified my friend, but engaged in alternative activity. I am not 'mixed up'.

Frith2013 · 26/08/2024 20:16

You need to take control of this situation. He's just trying to spoil your holiday.

Phone his family, friends, crisis team and the police.

Embarrass him out of this behaviour. Then dump him.

catin8oots · 26/08/2024 20:43

He's either

a) lying

Or

b) not lying

Either way I'd call the police and enjoy my holiday

Bananalanacake · 26/08/2024 20:48

I assumed he was on the holiday with you as it doesn't say in your post that he's not. when you said he is very manipulative it's obvious he's trying to control you, make you feel guilty for having fun without him. I would leave him, he needs to look after himself, women are not free rehab centres for men.