Am I being a mug?

[SillyExpert]

OH recently went on a girls holiday, nothing new there, nothing out of the ordinary. When returning I asked out of interest, numerous times, "show me your pics, tell me about your holiday, I'm interested"....zero. Not any of the times was any interest in showing or telling me anything.

A month or so on and still nothing but today I found a couple of pictures of her and another bloke, selfies as the reflection in the sunglasses showed the phone at arms length in a nice garden setting, no-one else around. One was them two together facing camera and the other was her kissing his cheek.

I feel sick at the thought and don't know how to broach the subject or even if there's anything to broach.

Maybe I need more time and try and gather some evidence rather than just look like I don't trust and think the worst.

Any kind thoughts and help appreciated

Well ... let me prepare you . Do you know this is MUMS net. So let me tell you what to expect posting as a man ..

You will be told that you are almost certainly controlling for snooping her pictures. That you need to stop bugging her as it's annoying.. and to get a life ..

If you were a woman posting this about their male partner then the answer would be - yes. You are being taken for a ride , to leave the bastard (LTB) and to demand immediate disclosure of all messages and communications during the holiday..

Personally. You should do the latter whatever sex you are !

Your correct in that!

For anyone on option 1, I was "snooping" on another family members phone for information and wasn't aware that it was logged in under the OH

And I agree that I don't expect much sense in replies, just have nowhere else to turn to to try and get some views and help

Honestly, not sure why some posters post here if they think all posters are awful.

But anyway, do you know who the man is? Do you know who she was meant to be on holiday with? Do you think she was on holiday with them? Or just with this man?

It’s not sounding great to be honest and I wouldn’t be happy if this was my Dp. I would take time. Just to organise your thoughts. But I don’t know what additional evidence you need. trying to find more evidence will drive you insane. It’s not good for you.

would she be happy if it was the other way round?

But why can't you broach the topic with her? Are you afraid of her getting annoyed at you for even asking? Your OP reads very vaguely so I don't understand..

Your lady returned from her holiday having had a great time with her friends creating fun memories all that good stuff. But she doesn't want (or refuses) to open up the phone's photo album and share her experience with you, is that the deal? Find a quiet moment and ask politely if she's ready to show her hol snaps to you yet. It's been over a month, I'd make a joke of that actually. Nobody of sane mind could accuse you of being "controlling" for being interested. Sharing memories with her partner should be fun not threatening lol so what's the issue? I wouldn't mention rando in the shot either, probably nothing. I'd observe (closely) the behaviour with her phone in front of you. If she's pre occupied with covering the screen whilst scrolling, evasive, suddenly all irritable, defensive, unexplainably upset, citing privacy invasion or any such crap.. over some recent holiday photos?! You know exactly what needs doing mate.

Good luck

You can't unsee what you've seen, so it's time for a big talk. I would play games or beat around the bush about, either. Ask her directly who that man is.

Outside of this did/do you have any other reasons to doubt her fidelity or is this something out of the blue?

Show her the photos and ask her how the ‘girls’ holiday was.

Trust your gut.

Wouldn't play games, obviously. Sorry, missed the edit window.

It's someone either working at the hotel or another guest. There was also a screenshot taken later on with a contact save sunder "name and holiday country" saying the start of a sentence but I can't see what it was in full.

It's only recently that I got a backlash stating we're growing apart, we have no connection and I'm never interested .....I made a clear point to be interested in hearing about the holiday as it's a place I've never been.

My head's all over the place at the mo. I think I'm going to give a bit of time to figure out whether I broach the subject as historically defensiveness will come into play and I'll be made out to be the bad guy. Something in my gut has felt off since she returned and guts are never usually wrong

Something in my gut for a fair while, going out for nights out and not coming home til the morning with no contact for example. Things that I wouldn't do out of respect and that I know full well I'd be hung drawn and quartered for

And what's her excuse for staying out all night ?

In that case your trust if it's not entirely gone must be waning whether she is innocent or not. I think you are wise to take a step back and decide what you want in this relationship, if of course you still want it at all.

It's awful to be where you are now, I feel for you and hope it turns out the best way for both of you.

Edited to reword and correct spelling

It's only recently that I got a backlash stating we're growing apart, we have no connection and I'm never interested .

As red flags go, that's one of the larger ones.

Well I finally managed to access the well guarded phone for 30 seconds and saw a plethura of messages to the guy whilst she was on holiday, lots of flirting, lots of "thanks for a special night", you look lovely today, heart GIFs, fire GIFs, basically a whole raft of things youd expect from a single persons holiday romance, not a married woman. Way more messages than I got as I was told "signal is terrible here"......seems not and also explains the extra 30 odd quid of roaming charges on the bill

I called her out today and asked who and why and just got brushed off as "it's only a bit of flirting"

Dunno how many red flags I needed but the boundary of marriage in my eyes and morals has been well and truly crossed

Op, you know what you need to do. The marriage is over, so maintain your dignity and end it as amicably as possible. The quicker the better.

"And I agree that I don't expect much sense in replies"

You expect people to try to help you after you insult them? You've gotten plenty of sensible replies, so do you stand by that statement?
If yes, there's no point adding any advice if you refuse to recognize good sense when you see it.

I don't expect much sense in replies

Why, because we're mostly women here? Wonder why your missus has been looking elsewhere. You sound like a Prince.

"It's only a bit of flirting"?? The audacity! This is unacceptable and completely disrespectful. Sorry you have to deal with that, that sucks. She needs to learn a lesson and deal with the consequences, which in my personal opinion would be to walk away. Don't let her think it's something small when it's not, it's out of order.

I merely meant that with the two options presented by the poster that I would get any sense in terms of I'll still have to figure it all out myself and there will be a mix of pov and advice will still be advice that I'll have to make sense of.

Apologies to all if it came across otherwise

OP, it couldn't be more obvious that she's playing away and her response to you when questioned shows she has little or no respect for you. It's clear what you need to do so l wouldn't waste any more time, either leave or ask her to do so,

Sorry OP but "thanks for a special night", to me, would mean they'd had sex.

I wouldn't send that after "a bit of flirting".

Are you married, house owned or rented, kids?

I think your gut is correct.
If she care about you, she would open up a healthy dialogue with you. But on the contrary she is gaslighting you by telling you its only flirting.

What you do now is gather up your dignity. Your OH hasnt communicated with you at all, and is unlikely to suddenly do so. She clearly lacks respect for you and that in itself is an indictor the relationship is on over, or it will be really difficult for just you to work on things. She has clearly checked out.

Personally I would find someone you trust and speak with them about things, get clarity and take steps to take care of yourself as things like this can really mess with you. All the best