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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think I was right?

10 replies

DenimCat · 26/08/2024 16:08

Recently my Dad passed away about two months ago. I have a boyfriend of 8 years that I don't live with. He has been there for me during my the first few weeks, but the last few weeks he has been around to see me or I have seen him. He looks bored every time I've said anything about my Dad. Its a difficult time for me and for my family as it was sudden. Last time i seen him I said sorry it's not party time at the moment as I'm grieving.
We are both 50 years old, I have a daughter who is now at Uni and I was hoping he might move in at some point they never really got on.
Anyway so I was on the phone to him the other day, his Mum had texted to say if we both want to meet up for lunch as she lives a distance and wanted to check.
I asked him and he was hesitant saying oh, well I've booked some time off next week. I said oh are you doing something, I had to really ask and he said he was going on holiday to Ibiza. I asked who with you never said anything? he said a woman from work he's become friends with who's a lesbian and I think her girlfriend. He was a bit sketchy as to who was actually going. I asked when did you book this? he said a month ago when he last got paid! I said oh great you never said anything all that time. He said oh you go on holidays without me, that's my daughter and he's always refused and its never Ibiza.
He never even likes going for a walk with me lately and he always tells me he has no money really to go on holidays. I said I'm hanging up, he told me not to and that she is his friend. He has texted me, he said, 'Hey you not talking?' but I'm grieving my Dad and finding it difficult. What to do?

OP posts:
maldensol · 26/08/2024 16:16

50?!

OP come on, surely you should know better

He sounds appalling and thoroughly disinterested in you

BitOutOfPractice · 26/08/2024 16:18

If that woman is either “just a colleague” or indeed a lesbian, I will eat my hat.

Blueberry40 · 26/08/2024 16:18

What does he bring to your life and what does he take?

BlastedPimples · 26/08/2024 16:33

Awful man.

Really.

Be very glad he's not moved in with you.

He's going on holiday with a 'lesbian' (yeah right) and cannot be bothered to support you in your hour of need.

I think your dd has him sussed. No wonder she doesn't like him.

PolePrince55 · 26/08/2024 16:36

No no no and no.
He purposely kept this cause he knew it was wrong.

Do not go back with him. I'd end the relationship If it were me.

Mymanyellow · 26/08/2024 16:39

If that woman is a lesbian or just a colleague I’ll eat @BitOutOfPractice hat as well as my own.
You're 50 you must know this is bullshit.

BitOutOfPractice · 26/08/2024 16:40

I feel my hat is very safe from being your dinner @Mymanyellow

loropianalover · 26/08/2024 16:40

He’s not adding anything to your life except doubt and uncertainty.

I had a bf like this years ago - I was always discovering/finding things out that he had simply neglected to tell me. ‘Oh yeah we’re going on a boys trip to Amsterdam on Friday.’ ‘We went to that concert last week.’

I never understood it. I never stopped him from going anywhere, but it was like he almost felt affronted/controlled at the thought that he ‘had to’ tell a woman where he was going. He couldn’t understand that it was lying by omission and that I couldn’t trust him.

thursdaymurderclub · 26/08/2024 16:43

oh good lord... dating for 8 years and not living together? he's booking holidays and not telling you about them...

it usually makes me laugh when the first response on MN is LTB... but come on.. smell the coffee... stop wasting time and effort on a man who really does not want a life with you

DenimCat · 27/08/2024 15:31

Just makes me think what else he lied about or kept from me.

OP posts:
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