Marriage not working?

[Elgin2]

So been married 18+yrs, 2 teen kids. Recently got involved with someone at work but both trying to avoid it developing. However feelings are increasing and slept together twice. Have more recently avoided all contact with this person but feelings still present. Become more detached with my wife. I love my wife, but am having feelings that I’m no longer in love with her; we have little fun together, don’t really make each happy, life has become a little dull. However life is good and we are both content, financially secure with good futures.
is it worth risking that for the chance of possibly being happier? Fall out at work as well as home would be severe.
all thoughts welcome.

If you've slept together it already has developed and your wife needs to know so that she can make a decision about whether or not she stays with someone who has cheated on her.

How do you contribute to the marriage OP? What do you do in order to make life less dull? You have teenagers so I'm guessing you an get out and about; what are you organising to shake things up?

I'm not sure why you say is it worth risking when you have already crossed that line and slept with this other person.

To put it bluntly if you had any respect for your wife you would tell her about your affair and let her make an open decision with the facts.

You've already cheated on your wife, the least your owe her is some honesty around that and let her decide whether that's something she can move past.

The arrogance is breath taking. You sound like a total self satisfied knob. Your poor wife.

Did you lose feelings for your wife after or before you cheated on her?

I think you owe her the truth.

I think you will just have to face the consequences at home and at work.

You don't love your wife. She deserves better.

She may of course also choose to tell the husband of your affair partner.

Oh dear. Pig's ear.

Why couldn't you just end your marriage before cheating and betraying?

Tried suggesting date nights, romantic times away, etc She is very career orientated and gets stressed very easily so arguments build quickly. I want to make it work, despite my transgressions.

I see. So she works a lot and doesn't have time for a trip away or a couple of hours in the evening. I imagine you don't see her much then. There's not much you can do if she has no time.

My thoughts are, you do not love your wife. Loving someone is in actions, not cheap words. How ON EARTH is shagging someone else a loving action towards your wife??
Woild you be ok if she was doing the same? No? Thought not.
You come across as extremely selfish and self centered. Tell her and give her back her agency.

I really believe the time for making things work was before you slept with someone else. How do you think your wife would respond to that? The damage is done now. Tell her and let her decide where the marriage goes from here. If nothing else it will open the floor for a frank discussion about how things have gone wrong between you. But even if things do improve, there is this lie between you now unless you tell her the truth.
It would be different if you were just thinking about it or had caught feelings for someone else. But you have cheated.

No your marriage isn’t working.
Youve slept with someone else behind your wife’s back.
Your marriage is over.
It was over the moment you stuck your c@ck into another woman.
Hope the wife finds out and takes you to the cleaners.
Which she probably will if it’s been a work thing.
Excellent work, you just ended the marriage you’re not even that bothered about anyway.
Go and live with the other woman and let your wife find happiness

Thoughts? I think you should tell your wife you've shagged another woman a couple of times.

Give her the opportunity to decide whether she now wants to save your marriage, mate. I'd tell you to fuck off.

I'm not going to swear and generalize.
At 45, I assure you that grass isn't greener.
Also I'm finished with all this "fun" for good.
Thankfully, my marriage is working.

And this with knobs.

It might be exciting for a few years but then it would probably be about the same as your wife is now. Might aswell stay with your family.

Weak willed people who screw around behind a partner's back remind me of the common garden slug. They automatically shrink away from what they've done. They'll do everything to convince themselves they're decent, a great father or model of motherhood whatever. They'll even start threads like this one seeking any speck of validation they can find amongst strangers. But when it comes to the one person who's validation matters most (your wife) hiding is always the preferred option. You cheated twice apparently, and probably a whole lot more leading up to getting your rocks off. Calls, texting, flirting around the workplace, lying to your wife to facilitate it. Why not find some balls and tell your unaware wife what you've been up to instead of an internet forum? I'm sure you'd want to know if she were "entertaining" whilst you earned a crust.

Do your wife a favour by ending this farce of marriage. You are a cheater and do not love her. Admit to her that you cheated, take full responsibility and give her a generous financial settlement. It's the least you can do.
Your "feelings" for this other person are bullshit. It's just infatuation and the twisted thrill of sneaking around. You need to stay single because you cannot be trusted and are emotionally abusive.
Your character is the problem, not your marriage.

My life is in tatters thanks to people like you. The best you can do for the wife you love, but are in love with, is tell her truth. Leave and give a peaceful fair divorce. That would be love.

So you simultaneously tried to stop it developing but slept with her twice? Wow, that's quite the mental gymnastics.

I'm sorry, but you sound quite immature and selfish.

I was in the same position as your poor wife once (though the kids were younger 14wks, 2 and 6). And actually the selfish, self-absorbed arse did me a favour by leaving for the OW. I actually went on to meet a grown up who treats me with the love and respect that he never did, enjoys family life and has raised my children as his own.

All the while you're lying to your wife by cheating you are putting a barrier between you and her. You make it impossible to repair the marriage. Also, if you're like my ExH, you'll be demonising your wife and creating excuses for your own behaviour - 'if only she did this, I wouldn't have cheated' 'if only she was like that, I wouldn't have cheated'.

How do you think your children would react to how you are treating their mother? Or have you not considered your children's feelings in the same way you're not considering your wife's?

But if you do decide to leave your wife for the OW, please don't forget 'the script'.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/1634754-Men-affairs-what-is-the-script

It sounds as though your marriage is over. You want different things. You are not compatible. It happens. The best thing you can do is to be honest towards your wife, and divorce as amicably as possible.

Then you can both move on.🙂