Do I need to leave him to improve my life

[Framer224]

we have been together 12 years, 2 kids both pre teens. Together since teenagers. Both have “good” corporate jobs. My life currently is a mess I feel like I’m making no progress. I feel like my other half is such a bad influence. He drinks every weekend to excess and slowly I have joined him. No matter how much I try to stop and live better, I last a week or two then get sucked in. I’m conflicted as I feel like I can’t blame him but at the same time he has no intention of stopping. We are acting like teenagers rather than parents. And I’m suffering due to it.

Not as much as your children are suffering, I’ll bet. Grow up and take responsibility

This is a useful book and they have an FB group. Start with 30 day challenge alcohol-free. See how it makes you feel. Once you're clear of the alcohol fog you will be able to think more rationally about yourself and the relationship as a whole.
thisnakedmind.com/

Are you in a rut with what you do during the day at weekends? I was thinking maybe if you had plans to do something that would be spoiled if you both had hangovers, it would be an incentive to cut back on the booze. Perhaps even the drinking is because you’re in a rut and you might find other things to do.

My parents loved drinking to excess when they had a chance to let their hair down, it wasn’t great as a kid, thankfully my mum had a wake-up call eventually.

Think you need to actually talk to your other half and make it obvious this is serious and he has a problem. Drinking this much isn’t normal. Proper serious ‘are you ok? Seems like you need help’ conversation. Alcohol is an addiction so of course it’s hard to break that cycle.

What did you do on weekends previously? Are there any major worries you’re both drinking away?

I’d suggest making plans together that aren’t compatible with drinking. Take up sports etc, go out of the house on day trips with kids. Break that unhealthy rut and bring him up with you, or he’ll bring you all down.

I’m considering dating a guy that gets drunk too often for my liking and I was considering giving him a chance as he seems to be making changes and is otherwise pretty great, but your story has put me off again.

Why are you thinking about leaving him? Feels like there’s more to it, have you tried intervening before and it’s got you nowhere?

Yes we are definitely in a rut. We seem to click watch until it’s an appropriate time to open the wine. 10 years ago I almost left due to his partying. I was the opposite. Slowly but surely I’ve joined him. We both work stressful jobs full time and I use it to destress. If I ever say I’m not drinking, he gradually grinds me down so I end up drinking - even pouring me a wine even if I say no.