Ghosted

[Itsthelittlethingz]

Hi, I don't often date but I met a guy who I became quite attracted to. He is my sons coach.

Anyway, I am more 'established' than he is. As in career etc.
My friends were shocked that I would go for someone like him and said I was dating down. However I found him attractive I am deeply craving connection I'm so lonely and I love how he is with my son, it melted me.

We got talking he is Eritrean and quite new to this country (2018) and we were talking most days. He asked to meet me so we did.
He was on foot and I got there in my car. As soon as I got there I felt like he just melted... and was very shy either that or he did not like what he saw!

He said to me 'you came' like he was shocked... haha

Anyhow he left quite abruptly after 5 mins and I offered him a lift which he refused... when I got home he had text me to say he took a 15 min walk I just replied ok.

I was actually not to happy as I felt he had wasted my time.

Anyway the next day, I found he had removed me off his ig and removed me off his.

I have asked him what's up he has seen and not replied.

Safe to say I feel my esteem is in the bin haha I can't understand why he acted the way he did. This sounds very big headed but I know I am not so unattractive that he would need to run

Another time was taking my son to practice and I saw him blatantly act like he was late so he could run over feeling important- I can't really explain but it was so pathetic and I was confused why he felt the need to do it haha

I think dating your child's coach is probably crossing a line, maybe he realised it wasn't a good idea.

Did he see your car? Is it a nice one? I suspect like your friend's, he has realised there's a huge gulf between your lifestyles and he does not want a sugar mommy. He probably wouldn't want you to see the area he lives in.
While maybe your naivety and desperation made you persue this, you've probably given him the impression your interest is only physical and he doesn't want to be your giggolo either. Maybe that's what you were after, he's clearly not.

I wouldn't give this man another second of headspace. Dating your child's coach is never a good idea anyway. Onwards and upwards.

Did you turn up in a Porsche or something and he felt intimidated? Whatever the reason, it’s not worth worrying about, just move on. As others have said, dating him had the potential to be awkward regardless, so just pretend it never happened when you see him again. Just treat him as your son’s coach and nothing more.

I am not a sugar mummy!
Haha I am 32 he is 30
And when I say coach he works as a coach at my son's academy.
Thank you all for your advice, I don't date often as I'm so busy being a single working mum so it was nice to finally feel attracted to someone.
My friend was like 'I can't remember the last time I saw you into someone' my spark had gone lol.

I drive a relatively new Audi q3 he was walking.
Not that I judge based on materialism.

I'm so gutted he has literally ignored me I don't know what I did so wrong he asked me to meet up!

He seems immature, he can't communicate what was wrong or that he's not interested, I wonder if it was something you said that hit a nerve that you weren't aware of, he already knew what you looked like so I wouldn't of thought it's your appearance, or it seemed too weird that you are one of the parents, just leave it and pretend it never mattered when you next see him.

Clearly he didn't realise you are a woman of such means and he doesn't want to be a kept man. There's no way he'd be able to keep up with you and he has his male pride. What you did wrong was not consider how a relationship could work between you, or even if it should given that he's your son's coach!! He could very well have been warned that he'd have to leave his job if he wanted to date you if he's mentioned it to anyone else, which would be the outcome- surely you can see this and how badly it would impact him?

He's just not that into you.

Are you sure he knew it was a date? Like did he think ye were meeting as friends? Has he been flirty over text?

I wouldn't say a date, it was just a walk to talk in more in person.
We have been speaking everyday and yes he has definitely been flirty with me.

It's as if he just got cold feet.
He text me saying he would see me soon he was going to walk home... I didn't reply that evening as I was busy and also felt he had wasted my time which I don't get much of.
I'm not sure if that's why he unfriended me.

Even if I did something the put him off
it was so bizarre the way he was acting and over the top to delete me off IG x

Are you sure he's single?

Forget about it, it's nothing. Move on.

So strange. I doubt it was you it's a him problem.

No matter what “caused” all this - it’s rubbish, just move on

In those five minutes, you must have done/said/wore/whatever something that is an absolutely deal breaker for him. Not necessarily a bad thing, maybe an incompatible thing.

Maybe the car. Did you park in a disabled space? Have a personalised number plate? A super dirty car?

He’s probably not single. And I expect just simply changed his mind.

As a slight aside, ghosted tends to refer to someone who you've been dating a while who disappears- not someone who realised something wasn't quite right on the first date.

He asked to meet up, but once you got there, he left abruptly after 5 minutes? Am I reading that correctly? My gut feeling is that he changed his mind. For whatever reason, I don't know. Many years ago, I met up with a man that I'd been chatting with online via a dating site. We met up for a drink in a pub, after about 30 minutes he announced he had to go as he had marking to do (he was a teacher). I took it all in my stride, and left the pub at the same time. When I text him once I got home, he replied 'that he didn't feel any chemistry, so didn't want to meet again'. I replied back 'that's fine, I didn't either'! Unfortunately, I think you just need to put this down to experience. I wouldn't over think it or try and understand it. He should have had enough maturity to be honest with you. Don't take it to heart.

Ghosting is completely blanking someone’s attempt to contact you - it’s not restricted to dating.