Getting in touch with an ex after a decade apart

[dermavichy]

Question to divorced ladies. Divorced and apart for nearly a decade. I left. Both had relationships since which left us 'affected'. Our marriage was not that bad now that we have been in new relationships (my view). We did not marry new partners. Our divorce was difficult. We are in touch but very ocassionaly. We were absolutely best friends and had a lot of fun together but there were issues we could not fix at the time. Today it would be different. No children. We were both in relationships where new partners had children. We are mid 40s and mid 50s. He replies to messages if they are direct questions or favours to ask. He doesn't want to meet. He has strong bondaries. I admited fault 50/50. He doesnt admit anything. We havent spoken face to face for nearly a decade. Why am I even thinking about it?

No children? Absolutely do not look back!

You’ve got rose tinted specs because you haven’t found anyone new. It’s probably not helping you move forward to keep on texting him.

Me and an ex talked the other week and its been 2 decades, its always possible

This is a very bad idea.

Don’t talk to him - it sounds like you want him back, he doesn’t. No good will come of this. Focus on sorting out your own life.

I would say there's definitely no hope here! He doesn't even want to meet and only replies to direct questions. That's zero interest.

I talk to my ex from over 20 years ago. He calls me up every 6 months or so. The conversations are always similar content - we briefly go over what happened (I was an absolute bitch to him, we were 18, no excuses though.) I apologise for it all, I always feel like he needs me to reassure him when he’s feeling a bit shit about something that’s going on, like his job etc. We chat - entirely platonically - for maybe an hour overall. I think sometimes he just needs to hear a voice from the past to get his get up and go back. It’s not that I’m his ex, it’s that he knew me from a certain time in his life. He probably does it to several people. I always ask after his wife and make sure she’d be comfortable with our conversation etc.

So yes I think you can still keep in contact if you are able to understand the boundaries and not get yourself emotionally tied in. Unless you want to which is a different subject.