Leave or stay?

[PLMQAZ123]

Hello everyone,
I’m after some advice and personal experience of leaving a partner when you’ve got a young child together and you actually still like them as a person.
Myself and my partner have been together 9 years but we are essentially in a friendship relationship. There’s zero romance and limited sex/sexual chemistry. We’ve talking about it, with me initiating conversations about it loads through our relationship but very little ever changes. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I can’t stay with him forever due to this, no matter how much we get along as people and I’m not unhappy. The question is how and when to leave as we have a 1 year old.
Has anyone experienced leaving a partner when you have a young child and what was the best outcome? I don’t feel like I could leave until child is in school but I feel so guilty about it because, like I said, I’m not unhappy, just desperate for a more romantic relationship. Do I just suck it up and wait until child is a lot older?
Any advice and personal experience would be much appreciated!

Sorry to hear you feel like this. Its so tough. I think it would be better for this to become the child's normality sooner rather than later. I would hate for my children to see me in a loveless / romanceless relationship and think that type of relationship is OK. I'm not really sure what waiting until they are in school would achieve? Try to remember you are the first person that will ever model healthy relationships to your child. Would you be happy if your child was in a relationship like yours in the future and sucked it up for 4 years just because?

My relationship became like this, we ignored it and he had an affair when I was pregnant, left a few days after after the baby was born because she wanted him to and then the end became this messy horrible upsetting break up.

We have now been split up for 6 months and my 4 year old and 6 month old are fine - it’s easier for it to happen now that school because your DC won’t understand what’s happening or have memories of you all together etc. My baby is obviously oblivious to it all but my 4 year old (starting reception next month as we move house and deal with dad leaving etc etc) isn’t doing so well with it all.

If you know it’s an inevitability, I say do it now before your DC have a family life they’re aware of to lose.

Also, it is NOT selfish to put yourself first and not want to live in a sexless and loveless marriage forever. You owe it to your kids to set a good and strong example of healthy relationship dynamics and you will be happier in a sexually fulfilling relationship for sure.

I would much rather my ex had left because we had fizzled out rather than ending up going elsewhere for what we didn’t have anymore.

What has your partner said about it ? What was your sex life like before your child was born ? Were your libidos matched or have you always wanted more ?

He understands where I’m coming from and has said he wants things to change but it lasts about 4 weeks and then goes back to how it was before. This has been a continuous thing in our relationships for years and we’ve never matched with it. He’s also very convinced that we’re going to be together forever which makes it even harder as I feel like it’s going to be my fault when we/if we do break up.

Waiting would help me financially I think. I’m very worried about how I’d afford to buy my partner out of our house or buy my own house at the moment. Thank you for replying, you e given me other perspectives to think about x