No I love you to each other after 8 months

[Purplehoneydew]

Hello all, after a bit of advice
Feeling a little deflated today
I've been seeing a man for 8 months now , we see each other regularly, I've met his mum, brother sisters.
We plan things together, we go out , were not just seeing each other in our houses, so I'm not a secret or anything like that.
I'm starting to feel a bit fed up as it doesn't seem to be progressing.
Feel like I'm giving him all of my free time yet none of us have said I love you to each other yet.
I felt he was going to say it the last time i saw him but he didnt, not sure if I have imagined that though.
Is this wierd?
Would a man say he loved you by now in a normal relationship?

Do you love him?

DH and I didn’t say it until a year in. Yesterday was our ten year wedding anniversary.

If you feel ready, just say it.

Yes I do

Is it only the fact that neither of you have said "I love you" yet, or are there other aspects of the relationship that aren't progressing as you'd like?

8 months is not really very long, and it seems that you haven't said those words to him yet either. Is there a reason why you're expecting him to say it first?

Have you told him you love him? Perhaps start with that, if you do.

Do you 'feel' like he loves you when you are together? Is he affectionate and loving towards you and showing you that he does? If so then maybe he is just one of those guys who takes the words 'I love you' seriously and when he says it he wants to make sure and he wants to mean it. x

We were over a year, although I knew from the second DATE. we were on a train going to see my parents and he said " and that's why I love you". I was gobsmacked. He said but I thought you knew, and I was like well yeah, but it's nice to be told. Can't you go first?

If you love him, why don't you tell him? Why does he have to say it first? You'll know by his response whether he feels the same... I know it might hurt if he doesn't reciprocate in a meaningful way, but you'd at least know.

I would much rather feel loved and be shown someone loves me, than them using words that could potentially feel meaningless. You must feel loved by him if you thought he was going to say it? Have you told him? In what other ways do you wish your relationship would progress?

Side note... I know a couple who didn't actually tell each other they loved each other until their wedding day

This is an interesting question, so yes I would need him to say it first as I have been very hurt in the past & I suppose I fear rejection. Everything else seems to be progressing nicely , I just dont want to be wasting my time.

Yes I do feel like he loves me when I am with him. He is very kind and caring towards me , he clearly talks about me to his family also from the things they have said to me. However when we are apart I sometimes wonder whether he even cares

whats stopping you telling him how you feel? maybe he's waiting to see how you feel?

Great point and I agree with this I'd rather feel it than hear it also. Wow that's very interesting about friends that didnt say it until wedding day. I think maybe our love language is very different, I've always been a good communicator and express myself with close friends family I need to be told how people feel I guess to feel valued. As i was hurt badly b4 i said i would wait in next relationship for the man to say it

OP you do right, don't say it first, he should.

Fear of rejection, him saying it back as he feels he has to? It not being genuine? I think these are the reasons

But what if he fears rejection too?

Or what if he just doesn't realise how much saying those three words actually matters to you?

I get that it's scary, but sometimes it can be worth taking the initiative. If you need confirmation from him of where this relationship is headed, initiate a conversation. Don't just wait around for him to read your mind.

Worst case scenario is that he tells you he isn't interested in a serious, long term relationship. And yes, that would really hurt but surely if that's how he feels, it would be better to know? Like you said, you're not interested in wasting your time.

Chances are, he will reciprocate.

But don't sit around waiting for him to call the shots. This is your life and you have agency. Use it!

The most important question here is not about arbitrary timelines of commitment, it’s ‘do you love him?’

It honestly doesn’t matter what anyone on here thinks he should or shouldn’t have said by now, or if it’s important or not important in a relationship - the fact is that it’s important to you. If you say it to him and he ends it then perhaps it might be better for you to know now rather than a year from now, or even five years from now when you’re wondering about your future with him?

Of course it’s important for him to show he loves you, but after 8 months it’s nice to hear it too, esp when you love him. .

If you're waiting for him to say it first and you also feel you want to express it but you're holding back, you aren't being truly honest with him. That's not a good basis for a long term relationship. You're going to have to be vulnerable and risk being hurt.

Why? He might be lying if he says it anyway. OP can only control her own honesty

I felt pressured into saying I love u in a previous relationship. I vowed never to be put under pressure again. Do u want to say it? If u feel.like it should have been said by now, eradicate this from ur mind, there isn't a specified timescale.

The dude should always say it first.

If OP says it first then he will almost certainly say it back whether he means it or not.

If it comes from him in the first place then you know its more genuine.

Plus what sort of a wimp is he if he's waiting for her to say it first.

Actions speak louder than words.

Life is a journey not a destination, relationships too. Don't get hung up on "milestones " if you're enjoying the day to day.

OP my DH isn’t one for I love yous but he shows me how much he cares every day.

Yesterday he told me he liked my “sparkly” hair. He was talking about my greys!!! 🤣🤣🤣

It’s precious when there’s love in the small things.

This is such a backwards way of thinking. We aren't in the 1950s any more, and women don't have to sit around waiting for men to make their move.