How have you helped to learn not to seek reassurance in a relationship

[Kmwa]

I am in a relationship with an absolutely amazing guy for over a year now. He treats me amazing, has so much respect for me, speaks highly of me to others and to me, is excited at the thought of us spending time together and thoroughly enjoys our time together too, he really does love me and not only can I see it in his words but in his actions too. He has my best interests at heart always and he is not only kind and caring but so emotionally intelligent too. A hard worker yet and we have such fun together too whether we are doing something or doing nothing. We are eachothers happy place and we really do have an undeniable and uncoditional love, obviously we have little niggles here and there but that wouldn't be normal in a relationship, but even through those, we always mention after how well we communicate and work through disagreements.
I have young children, which as he has said is obviously different for him, however he has stood by me through literally thick and thin..but, I find myself feeling like I seek reassurance and i dont know why, when he really couldnt be any more blatent with how he feels about me and us as a couple. He loves me deeper than ive ever been loved and i feel the same way towards him. In my eyes, he is my life partner.
Why am I doing this? Im just teaching out to find some guidance as this is obviously a personal issue that stems directly from myself and not him.or our relationship. Has anyone experienced this and how did you over come it? I am wondering do I suffer from an anxiety, yet I don't know how to treat it or make it better.
I tell myself afterwards, don't do that again, stop, he's here because he wants to be..but I have such a fear of him ever changing his mind and leaving or finding someone who i would refer to as "better" than me, yet if I looked at myself from someone else's eyes, I feel like I would admire me. I am a hard working Mum, completely independent financially and prioritise my children first.. i have hobbies and my small and close group of female friends, fit adventurous and I am healthy and maintain myself well..so why am I doing this? It is consuming me and worrying me that if I seek reassurance to keep me content.. that of course eventually this will result in being a negative for him in our relationship and pf course that will begin to weigh heavy on him.
If you have any advice of experience reassurance seeking or anxiety issues and have overcome them, I'd appreciate any advice as I would like to tackle this head on and in a positive way. Please only kind comments.
Thank you.

Please excuse some spelling mistakes. I did not read over before posting.

A life coach once said to me, you talk about being "needy" as if it is a bad thing, but actually having needs is part of the human condition; why do you hate it so much in yourself?

In a safe relationship it's absolutely fine to ask for reassurance. Would you mind if your partner asked you?

I would never again choose to be with a partner who had a problem with me asking for reassurance.

I know that doesn't really answer your question - it's more of an invitation to reframe it to yourself.......

I suppose what you are saying I right actually. It isnt a bad thing, but its actually something i dont want to feel, the need to seek it. I don't mean at all but just not as much, and then I question..why is it that I seek it when the relationship itself is fine. I'm sure there's probably an underlying cause however, gow to settle that even just by half..would be amazing.

Do you think it might help to keep a little note on your phone for a while to keep track of exactly what situations or triggers bring this up for you?
You might find some patterns, and as we know awareness is half the battle. 🌹

I was pretty insecure at the start (first couple of years actually) of my relationship with DH. We were very young and every hurdle and hitch I thought it would be over. I suppose I became more secure over time because he always gave me patience, understanding and reassurance when I needed it and so eventually I needed reassuring less and less. I can’t imagine feeling like that now - he’s my absolute rock and I completely trust in him and us. Together 36 years, married for 32. If your guy is the decent guy you say he is he will give you the reassurance you need. Even if that needs repeating. Maybe explain to him what you’ve said here, that you’re afraid that the reassurance you need will put him off eventually and it’s scaring you. A good guy will be consistent and understanding and after a while you will start to feel more confident in the strength of what you have together. Tell him…you may even find that communicating your thoughts and fears helps both of you.

I think a note on your phone is a good idea. Because yes, it’s fine and healthy to ask for reassurance, but if it’s excessive or continuous then it will get too much for anyone. Sometimes it might be good to be able to talk yourself down off the anxiety ledge. Can you make a list of all the ways he shows he is loving and consistent, and you can read it? Things like….always texts you to say goodnight, made you your favourite meal when you didn’t get the promotion you wanted, always pumps the tires on your car…little things that add up to a whole lot and make you feel secure.

I would take a minute every now and then to read through your post and that should give you reassurance as you listed so many positives about this man, and it doesn’t appear that he’s given you any reason at all to not feel reassured.
if his actions back up his words then that’s what you should be looking for.

Its okay to need reassurance too every now and then though and by the sounds of it he seems like he would be able to provide that for you easily.

I would say though keep a bit of your life to yourself, you don’t have to invest wholly in this person if you aren’t ready.

I trust people and take them at face value. One whiff of any bad behaviour or lack of respect though, and they’d be out of the door. They know that too.

Value your self worth. Don’t take no shit 😀

Thank you everyone. It's a strange thing because once I have reassurance I feel amazing, and literally it takes one tiny thing to reassure me and I'm like a whole new person, but then equally as quick I feel I am back to square one and looking for signs that everything is ok and not just regarding the relationship is it a concern for me, but just personally it bothers me that i feel this way. I really appreciate all of your responses. Thank you for your kind words and support.