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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to navigate this sudden shift without ending up having a breakdown?

5 replies

ChunkyTank · 25/08/2024 13:21

Long story short, had a baby 4 months ago, husband had routine surgery 2 months ago which had horrendous complications and he ended up in ICU- he was away from home for 6 weeks being treated whilst I juggled visiting him 50 miles away daily and caring for baby and 8 year old and I work full time too as we agreed when pregnant I would go back to work ( I work remotely ) and he would take parental leave ( so he’s only bringing in £172 a week so my job is vital ) husband is home now, very weak and sleeping a lot, does what he can with the baby but it’s minimal, his mental health is bad and he needs a lot of support.

Baby is going through sleep regression and waking 6 + months times per night - some nights baby and husband have me awake every half hour. 8 year old constantly wants to play / be watched or be interacted with, work are lovely but I’ve taken as much annual leave/ unpaid leave as I can right now, combined with all the usual household stuff honestly I’m literally dead on my feet. I already have a cleaner - we don’t have bags of money but this is affordable. Any advice on how to negotiate with his without loosing my sanity?? I have a mother but she helps minimally when suits so am pretty much alone.

OP posts:
medik7 · 25/08/2024 13:23

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ProvincialLady2024 · 25/08/2024 13:25

Is your mother local? Does she know what are up against?

Have you asked her for help in a specific way? "Mum, I'm really struggling and can't do this alone. Please could you help me? Can you do XYZ on these days?".

NatalieIsFreezing · 25/08/2024 13:36

What a nightmare. Will it be any better once your 8yo goes back to school? Can a friend help with school runs? If ever you were going to pull in favours now is definitely the time!

NatalieIsFreezing · 25/08/2024 13:38

Any advice on how to negotiate with his without loosing my sanity?

Also just noticed, were you asking about negotiating with your DH or something else, or did you just mean "manage the situation" generally?

Blueberriesaretasty · 25/08/2024 13:41

I'm so sorry this has happened.

Can the hospital welfare services/kids school signpost for support? Citizens advice? I'm sorry I don't have any solid suggestions but there must be some kind of support available?

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