Ducks in a row

[alovelylife]

how/what do people do to get their ducks in a row? 2 kids mortgaged house I work pt, youngest isn’t in school yet so hard to increase hours.

what do people do to get ready to leave? no abuse/urgency, just not in love anymore and tbh his existence grates me. Have suggested couples therapy multiple times, he point blank refuses, said he will just stay in this awkward bubble forever because he’s not leaving, I don’t have anywhere to go/can’t afford to rent privately.

I'm stuck and I don’t know want to fuck my kids up with a backwards and forwards approach. Can’t imagine it’s going to be smooth sailing either as he can be quite difficult.

apologies for the long post if you’ve got this far thanks for reading :)

Are you married? I’m assuming so.
Get your own bank account with your wage and any child benefit paid into it. Make sure you have a private pension.
Get screen shots of any bank accounts/shares etc that he has.
12 months before you actually end it, start saving Tesco/sainsburys/boots etc points up.
If you have someone you absolutely trust, you could ask them to keep some cash nearer the time, and get that by asking for cashback.
And there’s nothing wrong in playing the long game, many people do.

@DustyLee123 not married, was due to next year.

my wages and child benefit go into my bank. he is self employed so has a business bank account. we don’t have shares in anything

Ok, if you’re not married then it’s different.
You need to find out if he will let you buy him out of the house, or if you’ll have to sell it.
Either way, start saving now.

Work out what benefits you would get by using a benefit calculator like entitledto. What share of the house do you own? Possibly look at shared ownership schemes where the rent part could be paid by UC. Run his income through the child maintenance calculator - have estimate how many nights you think he would have dc - also be aware self employed often manage to disguise their income so CM can't be relied upon. Do you have family who could help eg with childcare.

Apologies for the very random name. I am in a very similar situation myself and feel so lost. I have wanted to leave for a very long time and since having my son I stupidly thought things might get better but they are worse. What did you do? Did you manage to leave? Did things get better?

Can anyone offer any advice on this? I applied for a council house 5 months ago but got put in the lowest banding, despite the reason for leaving being domestic abuse. I can't afford to rent privately. I work part time on minimum wage. Even if I worked full time I could not afford to rent a 3 bedroom property. How do people actually manage to seperate if they are not high earners?

It’s probably better if you start your own posts, to get answers

That's very true but I wouldn't know where to start when explaining my situation. I don't think there is a way out of it tbh

I think you need to start your own thread.

Will do. Thanks.