This one might take a while, so bear with me!
Have been friends with a girl for 15 years now, since college and over those years we've been very close. We've both been through marriage break-ups and various relationships traumas and have been able to support one another through these times. We've always lived a fair way from one another but at the height of our friendship we thought nothing of spending every weekend toegther, one of us driving for 2 hours on a Friday to be with the other for a bit of mutual support and then back on a Sunday night.
In the past 6 years we've both remarried and are very happy in our relationships. Two years after remarrying, my friend moved back to her home town, much further away than before. Visiting was obviously cut right down, but phone calls were regular and very long.
I've always known she wasn't very keen on ever having children whereas I knew I was but it had never been a problem until it actually happened. She actually cried when I told her we were trying for a baby! One reason was that she thought out relationship would never be the same again and another was that she felt I'd be leaving her behind, making her feel isolated and somehow "freaky" for not wanting kids. She's often said that she finds the whole idea of having a baby so alien that she wonders if she's abnormal in some way. She also feel that society is against her and that having kids is the "norm" and not to is seen as strange. I only think this applies to previous generations and that these days it's actually seen as a valid stand to choose not to have children voluntarily.
Anyway, when I was pregnant she came over to visit and I was surprised how interested she seemed. When dd was born she sent a lovely pressie and always asked after her when we talked on the phone.
However, in June, when dd was 9 months, I decided to visit my friend (with dd but not dh who was working). The visit was a disaster. The whole time I was there I was made to feel that dd was somehow a nuisance, e.g. I asked to have the heating down (when dd had sweat rolling down her neck) or had to put off a walk because it clashed with dd's nap or meal, etc. At the end of the visit I broke down and said how awful they had made me feel. My friend got very upset too and apologised but admitted that she found it really hard to pretend she was interested or even tolerant of dd. She then admitted she had been diagnosed as being depressed and that she was feeling even more isolated from most people with children and the so-called "norm". When she told me that she wasn't in the least bit interested in dd I said I wasn't exactly interested in her hobbies and the details of her job, but as a friend I listened and supported her! It's like because of the way she feels about children, my views aren't valid. We made it up before I left and I let a lot of what she said about dd go, because my friend was so unhappy generally.
She didn't get in touch again until Sept, when she rang, full of the joys of spring and told me she's been offered a job half way round the world and she was moving out there after Xmas. I told her I was happy for her (which I am) but then I haven't heard from her again since then. I know she's been busy organising her move but I feel like I've - or rather dd - had to bear the brunt of her unhappiness and her rather brutal and hurtful comments. This bit makes me feel like I'm being an overprotective mum, which I'm sure she wouldn't have thought would happen, purely because she can't feel how I do about my dd. I've grown very resentful over the past month so I emailed her last week and told her just how p**ed off I was feeling and why. Not surprisingly I haven't heard back. She's going in 3 weeks. I don't want or need her friendship back, which is something a while ago I could never have imagined saying. I don't even want to talk to her after airing my views in the email. Why do I feel like this? Will I regret it when she's gone?