Friend has suddenly stopped replying to my messages

[PerkyKoala]

Recently my friend has seemed to drop off the radar a bit. We had a period over the last 3/4 months where we got really close, i felt like i was really there for her when her partners mother died suddenly and was offering my support to her. We didnt message all the time but would do so every now and then and would sometimes meet up every other Friday for a catch up at pub her husband worked at and i’ve been round hers a few times.

she has since started working part time at the pub, as she start teacher training in a few weeks and so i completely understand she is now vert busy. But she now doesnt reply to any-messages for example, I sent her a message on Wednesday just about a few things and asking how she was and did she want to meet up when she was free. She has been online since then, as its on fb messenger, but still hasn't opened it or read it or replied and its now sunday.

i know she has autism so am not sure if someone times she gets overwhelmed and from experience I know how busy life can get so don't expect a response right away. But i do feel a little hurt and am not sure if i have done something wrong, for her to suddenly be ignoring me. The last time we met up everything was fine and normal and that was a few weeks ago so i’m not sure what has changed since then

I’m trying not to overthink and to give her space but its starting to get me down a little.

Should i keep trying to reach out or at some point get the hint and stop trying

I’d take the hint and stop contacting her.

I would say that if she is autistic then not replying since Wednesday probably isn’t a long time? For some people who are autistic, they can need to slow things down to recover their energy including not replying to messages/being social - and this pause can be a lot longer than most neurotypical people would expect.

I would just give her the space to respond in her own time. She might have lot going on at the moment or just be caught up in managing the day to day.

Thanks this makes sense, it is something i did think of, my own anxiety kicked in a bit that i had done something wrong

She is probably feeling overwhelmed and I wouldn’t say she is unlikely to contact you. I’d give her some time, but definitely don’t keep trying as that will make her more overwhelmed.

I hate when people do this. So I stop messaging them all together. I don't fall out with them, I just don't engage. They can be online replying to everyone else but not me.
So slide on then...
U want me, ring me. I might answer!

When was the last time she actually contacted you? In my world waiting for a reply after 4 days is not long at all. I have consistent but low key friendships.

As someone with autism, I often won't respond to a message until I can answer all the parts of it, so it might be a simple as she is waiting to find out when she's free (perhaps she hasn't been given next week's shifts yet) and so hasn't answered the other bits yet as it feels like that would be 'incomplete'.

I'm getting better at responding to part of a message and saying 'I'll come back to you' on the other bit, but it takes extra effort and feels all piecemeal and messy, so I still prefer to wait until I can reply properly.

Plus, I have lots of ND friends who don't reply for ages (weeks sometimes), but they always do eventually!

So the last time she replied to my message was Wednesday, i know she is a slow replier i think its more my own social anxiety kicking in which doesnt help

I sometimes miss messenger notifications. As does one of my friends.