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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I can't stop thinking about him even though I am in a relationship

4 replies

cornflowercloud · 24/08/2024 19:54

I have just moved to a new country for a year and my boyfriend and I are planning to do long distance. We have been together 6 months and I do love him. There have been a few instances of quite important things that he has lied to me about which he only admitted to me when he was caught out but apart from that our relationship is really happy and we often talk about a future together.

Since moving away I have met a man who at first I thought as just a friend. He is one of the most genuine, kind people I have ever met and I was so happy to have made what I thought was such a good friend in such a short time in a new place. However, last night it became apparent to me that what he wanted was more than friends as he started to become very touchy and took every opportunity to compliment me. As soon as I realised I told him I had a boyfriend and he said that while he respected that he was really disappointed and wasn't sure he could keep seeing me in a friend context because he liked me so much.

Since then I have not been able to stop thinking about him. He made me feel so good about myself and so at ease in a way that sometimes, although I do love him, my boyfriend doesn't. I just don't know what to do. My boyfriend is a kind and sensitive person and is really close friends with all of my friends. But I just cannot get this other person out of my head and am also sad that after I thought I'd found a really good friend in a new city, now it might me impossible to maintain any relationship with him.

Acting on this would also seem very pointless since after a year has gone by I am moving back home and the man I met will also be moving to Australia so there would be no longevity in a relationship with him anyway.

I'm just feeling really confused right now and thought that typing it out might help my sort through how I'm actually feeling. If anyone has any advice or thoughts it would be very welcome.

OP posts:
VelocityMoral · 24/08/2024 20:25

I can't stop thinking about him.
It's a sad but natural fact.
He's a devil and a saint and a lot more than I ain't.

I want this monkey off my back.
Now people, bad loves an addiction.
Same as cocaine and cheep whiskey too.

When you're a prisoner of love
That's all you think of
You act confused and you ain't got a clue.

No idea.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 24/08/2024 21:06

How old are you op?
Actually it doesn't matter really you're young enough to go away for a year rather than needing to try for babies yesterday.

I would say if I was in your bf position I'd want to be set free. Set yourself free too. Just tell your bf you don't think it's right to do long distance. Then explore things with this guy. It might not work out but you'll have a great year and you'll learn lots about yourself.

I stayed in a relationship for too long late teens to mid 20s. I wish I'd had a chance to have a year abroad single having a love affair at that age. That guy left me for a girl at work after I sacrificed so much for him- I never thought he'd leave me. You're not even engaged to your bf so I don't think you need to do a year long distance. If it's meant to be and he's 'the one' you'll find your way back to each other.
I'm now in my late 30s single mum so I won't be able to do any living abroad again until
I'm in my 50s and might not get as many offers then 😂so please do it for me!!!

maclen · 24/08/2024 21:18

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 24/08/2024 21:06

How old are you op?
Actually it doesn't matter really you're young enough to go away for a year rather than needing to try for babies yesterday.

I would say if I was in your bf position I'd want to be set free. Set yourself free too. Just tell your bf you don't think it's right to do long distance. Then explore things with this guy. It might not work out but you'll have a great year and you'll learn lots about yourself.

I stayed in a relationship for too long late teens to mid 20s. I wish I'd had a chance to have a year abroad single having a love affair at that age. That guy left me for a girl at work after I sacrificed so much for him- I never thought he'd leave me. You're not even engaged to your bf so I don't think you need to do a year long distance. If it's meant to be and he's 'the one' you'll find your way back to each other.
I'm now in my late 30s single mum so I won't be able to do any living abroad again until
I'm in my 50s and might not get as many offers then 😂so please do it for me!!!

I agree with this. I've spent my life being in long term relationships in my 20's and 30's and now regret it. But if I had that time over I'd be more free and enjoy myself.... but that's easier said than done when you're in that position x

Joosy · 24/08/2024 21:33

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