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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do I disrupt my whole life or life like this for my children sake

1 reply

lost1989 · 24/08/2024 12:28

Help!

I have been feeling in despair for months, particularly the last few weeks have got worse. I don't really know where to start or what I even want from this, perhaps putting down some word will help me evaluate it all.

I'm 35, married for 8 years with 2 children, primary age and toddler.

I feel so down that I'm 'mid life' and this is my life. Apart from my beautiful children of course. I look at my life and think how did I end up here, with a man I don't think I'm in love with, who we have nothing in common, who lacks patience with the children, and we'll just basically makes me feel so separate! He'd be happy to slump around the house and I'd rather get our children out and engaged.

I'm beginning to question, well no, I've been questioning for a long time now, if remaining with my husband is the best thing, I feel so 'separated' from him! I do all the lions share off the housework and childcare. I work 3 days a week so do feel I should take on a lot however on weekends I get no extra help. He's quick to temper and has no patience, no romance or affection and then wants sex, which frankly gives me the ick!

But here's the hard part, could I disrupt my children's life like that? Aside from that, I have absolutely no idea how I would cope financially, we have a mortgage and I couldn't maintain everything on my own.

Can the love come back? We've argued again this morning, I just feel like I can't be around him.

My chest feels so heavy, I'm crying as I write this post. Do I just have to accept this is life, I feel although he's a good man and blimey a lot are worse, I don't think we should have ever got married if truth be told, we've been together since teenagers and I suppose we just trumbled along the 'way of life' it has been particularly strained I would say since our 2nd child came along who has only just turned 2.

I just feel like I'm missing out that that 'all great love' and to feel loved. Is it too much to ask? Am I looking for a fairytale that doesn't exist, do I need a reality check?

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 24/08/2024 13:42

Of course you don't have to stay with him!
Children need happy parents more than them
Both under one roof.

Is there anything you like or love about him? If you think it could be salvageable you could say you're not happy in the marriage and want to go to couples counselling to try to fix it. But if you've already decided you're done that's ok too - talk to a lawyer before you tell him.

Co- parents if they get on ok can still do lots of stuff like Xmas and holidays even with the kids if they want to (usually only possible if neither have new romances, or if they both do so no one feels pushed out)

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