How do you make friends?!

[CandyColouredEggshells]

New(ish)ly single, left emotional/psychological abuse after 17 years which is probably adding to this. All of my “friends” were wives/girlfriends of friends of STBXH and he’s painted me as a villain so they’ve all cut me out, which hurts but I guess they weren’t true friends. STBXH never liked my friends so I lost touch with them years and years ago.

I feel like I am a nice person, and do get on with people. There’s a couple of work colleagues I get on with and we text outside of work and meet for coffee/dinner outside of work a couple of times a year. I’m very close to my DSIS and we do a lot of stuff together but I just feel a bit like she has her own friends.

I’ve tried classes/groups of stuff I like but tbh feel like people often seem to go places like that with someone they already know. I can be quite shy/introverted and my look/style is quite alternative, so don’t know if that’s got something to do with it but things like I tried baby yoga when DD was little but after a couple of weeks there seemed to be these cliques and certain people gravitated towards each other and me and DD would be on our own.

Would just love a couple of female friends who were like me, either shared hobbies or someone to do a bottomless brunch with or whatever. It really gets me down when you see silly things like Instagram giveaways and you need to, for example, tag three friends to enter, because I genuinely don’t have three friends. It’s embarrassing, especially now I’m single, that if we’re talking at work or whatever about what we’ve got planned for the weekend my plans are literally always nothing, I’m never seeing anyone or doing anything outside of plans for DD.

There are lots of people on here making the same thread, so you’re not alone!
Ive seen a post on TikTok, can’t remember the name of the group, and they are specifically for women to meet and make friends. Might be the lonely girls club, or something like that.

I think it can be hard to make friends as a single woman.
When I moved somewhere new some years ago, I found a dance class and that helped.
Perhaps you could get back in touch with old friends too, explain that you're sorry you lost touch.
Also, see if your work friends fancy doing something other than coffee. Eg theatre, pub quiz...

See if there are any meet up groups in your area. Join a book club. Or a dance class.

Did join a book club, someone on one of my social media’s did a “like this story if you want to be added” and the plan was to read and then meet up as you do. Never actually progressed to the meeting up, I’m not sure everyone actually read it.

Work colleagues don’t drink due to religious reasons, and some of them I don’t think have ever been in a pub in their entire life lol, they don’t even go to Christmas parties/leaving drinks for this reason.

Might think about a dance class, I did try a yoga class but I felt like I stood waiting for it to start with the hum of chatter all around me, trying to smile at people etc, then afterwards people walked to their cars in pairs/threes and stuff like that. I really wish there were groups/clubs to meet people that you weren’t allowed to attend with a friend lol!

Sorry I know I’m coming across as very negative, but just things like a new breakfast place has opened up in town and I thought “ooooh, that looks yummy!” and then it occurred to me I have no one to go with.

Also, as to getting back in touch with old friends, I’m not sure. We’d literally be talking about people I knew at college who I phased out because STBXH, who was at the time new BF didn’t like them. I have a lot of them on social media and most of them have kept in touch with each other but close in small groups, I’d feel super awkward about suddenly trying to latch on to one of the groups.

Isn't there a group called Meet Up or something like that that arranges stuff all over the country?

Might be worth trying?

Things like yoga classes and dance classes are not that great as you aren’t talking during them. You need something that meets regularly and where people talk during it. Walking groups can be good as people chat as they walk, though you need the confidence to approach people to chat.

Get out and do stuff so you have things to chat about as well.

Meetup is good as it tends to attract people who are looking to meet people.

It is largely a numbers game though. You need to meet someone you click with, who clicks will you AND who has time in their life for a new friend. It’s not easy.

I have the same problem. I've joined lots of groups and not had success there.nim a bit odd and I think some people can sense it as well as my general awkwardness not helping.

My advice is too keep on with the groups until you find one that works. I recently joined a writing group that focusses on more niche genres (sci fi and fantasy) and now four of us are meeting up outside of the group and I feel I have way more in common with them.

Keep trying and choose groups which are more specific to your interests, the more niche the better.

After moving 120 miles to a new area where had no ties at age 49, I can totally relate to this.

In the past few months I’ve made a bunch of new friends. I’ve got 5 of them coming round for games night in 10 hours, in fact!!

Here’s how I did it:

• I’ve joined a local “Get together and go out” group on the meetup app. Try some different groups. My fave group does walks, curry nights at local restaurants/pubs, cafe and charity shop mooches, and going to local live music events (less chance to chat at these though). If you meet someone on an event that you vibe with, ask them for their number.

• I started going along to my local board games lounge (they’re on meetup and FB) and started a WhatsApp group. Whenever there’s a new lady I haven’t met yet at my table I ask her if she’d like to join my WhatsApp group. I haven’t had anyone turn me down yet and there’s now 9 of us.

• Thrive Ladies on FB - if you join the main FB group there are tons of local chats by county, where you can arrange a meetup for coffee. I made 2 new friends that way.

I'm getting close to having a “double figures” amount of friends for the first time since my kids were at primary school and I’m getting closer to a couple of women who we chat on WhatsApp outside of our groups most days.

What didn’t work for me was WI. I’m a member but it felt like hard work and the ladies there are all into crafts, talking about their husbands/kitchen remodel/latest holiday. I didn’t fit in and it felt a bit cliquey. But maybe that’s just my local group idk.

I also joined a local writers group but it was just me and one other woman who showed up and she never organised a second event.

Hope that helps!

I moved 6yrs ago to an area where I didn't know anyone. I was 47. The first week, I signed up for a one off craft lesson. A lady there told me about Meet Up so I joined a local group.

This evening, me and 15 close friends, are all going out for a meal. They're like sisters and I met them all via the Meet Up group. I can't recommend it highly enough.

new breakfast place has opened up in town and I thought “ooooh, that looks yummy!” and then it occurred to me I have no one to go with

So go on your own! Don’t let not having anyone to go with stop you from doing anything. I’ve been to gigs on the other side of the country on my own, there’s always someone to chat to.

This is me. If I have nobody to go with and it's somewhere I really want to go, then I go by myself. Last night I went for a meal and an ice hockey match!

I only have one friend who I meet up with (my others are just people I write to inn other countries, who I found via the Interpals website). I met her on Bumble - you can switch it to look for friends rather than dates.