Was I sexually assaulted?

[milkyway512]

A few years ago I dated this guy for only a month, I ended it due to red flags I saw, such as love bombing and slightly controlling behaviour.

however, there was this one time that I clearly remember being very odd and him knowing it was odd too. Basically we were having sex and it started to hurt, so I said his name once, and he didn’t stop, I said it again, he didn’t stop, and I said stop! And he stopped. I’m not sure if I was assaulted, because maybe he didn’t know I was saying his name to get him to stop, and thought I was saying it out of pleasure or something?

afterwards was very strange and i knew something was wrong, and afterwards I broke up with him. He asked me if it was because “of what happened back there” and I said no, and it wasn’t it was because I just wasn’t really feeling happy anymore.

im sorry if this wasn’t sexual assault, but I just remember it sometimes and wonder, as he had so many other red flags as well, and want to get a clear picture of it in my head.

any advice would be appreciated :)

I would say it wasn't if he stopped as soon as you said stop. The other times he may have been in the moment and just by saying his name might not have registered.

He may have just been referring to you stopping it when he said about "what happened".

That's how I would read your description of what happened. But then I wasn't there x

Thank you so much for the reply :) yes I agree I think he just got caught up in it. I did wonder if me just saying his name would have registered or not.

thanks again!

I agree. From what you've recounted, it was a badly-judged incident but not assault because it stopped as soon as you made it clear you didn't want it.

He might well have been pushing your boundaries to see what you'd accept, and it sounds like you were right to knock that relationship on the head. I hope you're feeling okay.

I don’t see how that’s assault? Saying his name doesn’t suggest you want him to stop. As soon as you said the actual word Stop, he did.

He stopped when you said stop. He knew you had withdrawn consent at that point.

A lot of people say their partners name when in the throws of passion so most people wouldn't think it means no/stop, but yes/carry on doing that particular action.

I wouldn't say that's assault. Saying your partners name when having sex is usually more likely to be a positive thing. I dont think many people would see that as a sign to stop. The fact he stopped when you actually said stop is the important thing.

No. That's a long time to hang on to something that most people would say isn't. Maybe speaking with a counsellor or calling Samaritans might help you work through it if you feel badly affected by it.

Thank you everyone, I feel a lot clearer on this now haha. Yes I think it was just me overthinking things. I hope I don’t come across a certain way or anything! I was just very unsure as the relationship was a bit of a whirlwind and he came on very strong at the beginning. He was a very intense person and he said he really liked me, but I just doubted him as it did look a lot like love bombing to me. I was very wary, so I ended it and sometimes I regret it. But I’m mostly moved on now as it was a long time ago!

that’s the backstory to why I asked!! Thank you for all the replies, I really appreciate them :)