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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Bf seems uninterested lately and very lazy

25 replies

Alicew00 · 23/08/2024 22:37

Bf of 2 years has been really lazy lately. He doesnt seem interested in moving in. Said he doesn't want to leave his housemate to deal with paying rent etc. I said to give him notice but he just smirked at me.
He doesn't care about helping me around the house even though he said he would.
He helped me move some rubbish once and he had to go lay down and didn't move again. We went out once for a meal and got full on starters and I wanted a main meal I was still hungry but he kept saying he was hot, bloated and tired so we left.
Then asked why I was moody.
When he went out with friends which is rare, he didn't text me to say he got home as he usually does.
And he acted weird all day. Wouldn't let me come see him because he was too sad his mates made fun of him all night.i don't know what to make of it.
He's usually caring, kind and likes to spend time/ days out with my kids.
He's getting help for his mental health weekly talks to a therapist.

OP posts:
Easipeelerie · 23/08/2024 22:41

He sounds like a waste of space. You can do better.

CC222 · 23/08/2024 22:56

If this is what he's offering you before you're even fully committed, I can assure you he will not improve once you're tied into living together...
Is he really the person you see spending your future with? He is showing you his true self...

Alicew00 · 23/08/2024 23:11

Not at all....I wanted someone who gets up and does want to do things, not just say it.

OP posts:
Alicew00 · 23/08/2024 23:12

I'm so fed up of seeing/ hearing everyone make changes to their homes to look better and I try to do it myself but I can't.
It's depressing. Everyone has partners husbands who do all that.

OP posts:
HaveSomeIntrospect · 23/08/2024 23:18

No, not everyone has a man to do those things. In fact, the best thing I ever did was get rid of my ex. I do what ever I need doing in the house. I am alone so I have to prioritise what needs doing because there is only so much time.
My house isn’t as well decorated as my friends with husbands and boyfriends who can help out or do those things, but so what, at least I don’t have a dead beat holding me back.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 23/08/2024 23:21

My boyfriend is decent but I took a week off work and painted my whole house. You don’t need a bf to make your house nicer. Get rid of him and work on your house yourself!

CC222 · 23/08/2024 23:34

You'll be surprised by the amount you can get done by yourself, when you finally get rid of the dead weight that you expect to help you out, when really they think of no one but themselves...
Think about what's best for yourself and your family. Going it alone is never as hard as being with someone that brings fuck all to your life... This man is giving breadcrumbs...

OverthinkingRogue · 23/08/2024 23:36

It sounds very much like he's disinterested in you, i believe he's still with you for convenience.

Alicew00 · 24/08/2024 08:07

And i get annoyed when he asks me how my night was when he knows I'm just at home watching tv while my child's asleep.

OP posts:
Royalshyness · 24/08/2024 08:10

Get rid of him, he’s boring and lazy and you are resenting him

SensibleSigma · 24/08/2024 08:10

He’s not a keeper. Restructure your life without him in it. You’ll achieve much more without him on your back.

Don’t waste time looking for a replacement, spend that time on your home and children. When that’s all sorted you’ll have time to look for a bloke, and won’t care settle for anyone sub par because you’ll feel independent!

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 24/08/2024 08:12

Can you explain what you do like about him,,or what you get out of the ‘relationship’ ( apart from the fact that he fills a man shaped hole in your life). Because it doesn’t seem like much.

Alicew00 · 24/08/2024 08:12

Yes, even my family say they couldn't put up with that.

OP posts:
JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 24/08/2024 08:17

Your family are telling you they wouldn't put up with him, we're telling you to get rid... so are you getting the message loud and clear yet?

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 24/08/2024 08:17

You are better of on your own with your DD. He is telling you clearly he doesn't want to commit to you, and will not make life any easier for you if he does move in, quite the opposite.
It's hard bieng a single parent, but it will be harder with him in your house.

Alicew00 · 24/08/2024 08:18

Yes I need to do it. He obviously doesn't want to be around

OP posts:
Dery · 24/08/2024 08:19

Sorry, OP: missed your updates. My original message is redundant now so I have deleted it!

Alicew00 · 24/08/2024 08:22

I'm not pressuring anyone and I Don't mention anything about housework. I have to ask if I'd like him to help me. I'm not like that person you think I am. And he says he loves us so why not move in. He's barely ay his house now. Seems a waste of Money paying rent for somewhere you don't sleep anymore

OP posts:
Mondaymanic · 24/08/2024 08:25

I rarely comment on posts but I have to on this one.

Please, please break up with him. I recently did the same with my LTR. Don't want to explain too much as it's outting but feel free to message me.

I worried how I'd feel single but I instantly felt 100% better. It was awful being with someone who you knew deep down didn't care for you. I have found it easier to get my own stuff sorted without him and friends and family are helpful.

I'm now in a relationship with an amazing thoughtful man, who quite simply does what they say they're going to do. It's actually taken me a while to get used to because I was used to my ex for so long.

Even if I was single forever I'd have preferred that. I felt so much lighter and peaceful when I broke up with him.... Though the deliberation in the run up was very difficult. Rip the bandaid off! X

Sheeplesss · 24/08/2024 08:47

Why are you keeping such a loser in your life when you have a child?
You both deserve better.
Get rid of him.
Stop being used as a convenience.

Alicew00 · 24/08/2024 09:28

Mondaymanic · 24/08/2024 08:25

I rarely comment on posts but I have to on this one.

Please, please break up with him. I recently did the same with my LTR. Don't want to explain too much as it's outting but feel free to message me.

I worried how I'd feel single but I instantly felt 100% better. It was awful being with someone who you knew deep down didn't care for you. I have found it easier to get my own stuff sorted without him and friends and family are helpful.

I'm now in a relationship with an amazing thoughtful man, who quite simply does what they say they're going to do. It's actually taken me a while to get used to because I was used to my ex for so long.

Even if I was single forever I'd have preferred that. I felt so much lighter and peaceful when I broke up with him.... Though the deliberation in the run up was very difficult. Rip the bandaid off! X

I loved being single too. I could everything on my own without someone in my way. I always do seem much happier on my own. I guess I just liked that he doesn't pressure me to do much, likes me for whatever weight I am unlike past bfs.
But even like the other day he takes ages to get in the car and put his seat belt on so I drove on just before he did and he said what are you in a rush for. I asked him what he said as I was confused he never said anything bad to me before. And he just stayed quiet. Ignored me.
Then carried on as if everything was OK.

OP posts:
rainbowsparkle28 · 24/08/2024 09:33

Sounds like a nightmare - he is not worth the aggro. Get rid.

ClickClickety · 24/08/2024 09:40

I think you know this relationship has run its course. You’ll look back and shake your head with relief that this deadbeat didn’t move in.

Flibflobflibflob · 24/08/2024 09:43

You can do home improvements yourself.

But apart from that get rid, he actually sounds really depressing to be around,

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 24/08/2024 10:58

He only wants to move in with you so he doesn't have to pay rent any more! He's a cocklodger waiting to happen. Don't let it happen! Get rid!

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